Thursday, April 10, 2008

Why I Hate Do-It-Yourself

Dear DIY,

Will you please quit lying to me. Sure, doing things yourself will save you money and help you to build character (whatever!), but please quit putting words like easy, simple, and any body with half a brain could do this.

They do NOT pertain to me, an I am thinking of calling a lawyer.

Seriously.

Okay, maybe not, but come on.

Two faucets, one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom, have been in need of replacement over the past two months.

"Piece o' cake," the maniacal wannabe mechanic/plumber, handyman side of me says.

"Um, sure. But isn't there someone we could pay to do that?" the wussy, sensible, knows exactly what I am not capable of doing side of me says.

"Disney," is all that evil side has to say to that. Because he knows that if I spend $250 to have someone replace my faucets, that is $250 less of 'Dole Whips' at Disney.

Dang that evil side, hitting below the belt like that.

Okay, I think I mentioned the kitchen disaster previously, but basically it HAD to be replaced that day (back then), because when you turned on the water, instead of vertical flow, it was horizontal. You get the picture?

Now, the bathroom faucet suddenly, over the past three weeks or so, has decided to go green and limit the flow of water to one gallon per HOUR. Not good, not good at all. I mean Doctors will tell you that you need a nice flow of water when you are washing your hands - I know I saw it at a hospital or Doctor's office once (really)!

So in a fit of motivation not seen since the ice cream man came down the block, I went to my local Menard's (save big money...) and purchased my new faucet, figuring I could do it before I went to bed. Heck figuring I could do it and blog ~ mission accomplished.

It just took a LOT longer than it should have.

First off, the hot water hose came off in a snap. Not a literal snap, but rather quickly. I'm thinking that Jenni is going to finally have faith in my mechanical abilities. OOPS! Spoke too soon. The cold water hose would not loosen up, at all. I have a blister forming on my hand from all the exertion (I know, what a wuss), but seriously, it is only supposed to be finger tight, not crazy glue your head to a beam tight. Sheesh!

So after, lets just say a really long time that I am embarrassed to discuss in real terms, so I will say that I started it during Desperate Housewives and finished during ER.

Anyway, I get the new faucet put back in and the hoses all connected. That part was easy, really it was. I turn on the water and leak city - not nearly as much fun as Kalynne's Magical Leek Soup. What the heck? The washers were no longer part of the assembly, they were in the garbage.

Gonna need those.

Okay, I recover the washers and get the hoses reconnected. Turn on the water - no leaks (so far, so good), then I turn on the faucet and.... drip, drip, drip.

No Way!!! (Jenni saw this and started laughing ~ yes she did).

Now what? I disconnect everything and see that the washers are askew, so I straighten them out, reconnect and get the same thing. Now I know that there isn't any blockage in the hoses, because I actually turned the water on to make sure that wasn't the original problem (I'm not as dumb as I think I am). I look to the instructions for guidance.

Nothing.

For giggles I take the filter/screen thing off the end of the faucet, and turn on the water. Good flow. Hmm. Could there be a safety valve to prevent flooding or something built in to the filter/screen thing?

I reconnect that and...

I came here to blog before midnight.

Good night and God Bless!!