Dear Mr. I'm-in-a-hurry-so-who-cares-if-I'm-weaving-in-and-out-of-traffic Dude,
What the heck are you thinking? I mean, seriously, you have been swerving in and out of all the traffic this whole way to work. Want to know what I find to be very funny. I'm sitting right next to you at this light, just like I was two lights ago. Since your little brain isn't quite comprehending what I just said, let me spell it out for you. Swerve in and out all you like and you still haven't gotten ahead of me.
Ha, ha, ha!
Dear Miss I-know-it-says-only-fifteen-items-or-less grocery shopper,
Let me help you here. Fifteen items is one more than fourteen, and less than sixteen, or in your case twenty-six!
Yes, I did count them. Yes, I was impatiently sighing and visibly counting your TWENTY-SIX items. Was I surprised that you couldn't find your check book? Or that your credit card said "no way Jose!" Then you didn't even make an attempt to help bag the TWENTY-FREAKING-SIX items that you had, no that would be beneath you, I guess.
So, please don't mind me if you hear my exclamation "she had twenty-six items... how rude." Because to be honest, I think you might deserve it.