KC or Bust!

Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. - Bertrand Russell

I have a confession to make.

I have not always been the model of safe driving.

Shocked you are, no doubt. Let me share ...

(cue way back machine music)

Back in the summer of 1984, my buddies Ken and Brian and I thought it would be a good time to drive to Kansas City and spend a week out there with Brian's Uncle. We would drive interstate 70 west from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas or maybe it was Missouri. Either way, we decided that this would be one of those great bonding times for us best friends and didn't even think about the fact that we were three teens (17, 17 and 16) driving across two complete states; without parental supervision.

Yeah, we were cool like that.

The plan was for us to take Brian's baby, his 1969 black fastback Mustang - with a 351 Windsor under the hood. (That is about all I know about that car, and maybe the fact that it's not very comfortable to drive across two states, but I digress). The three of us would each take turns driving, and just having a grand old time.

First problem, Ken didn't know how to drive a manual transmission.

Okay, so Brian and I will drive across two states, no biggie. We were young and we knew that we could handle it.

Second problem, Colorado east of the Rockies is nothing but flat, boring prairie, and the entire state of Kansas is the same way. Driving across boring plains is well, boring, and can easily cause one to "doze off" while driving. So, we planned on switching every two to three hours, or whenever we stopped for gas. Makes sense, sounds logical right?

Fate can be a fickle little friend, or maybe that's fiend.

Now what it was that came over us to do the following is still up for debate, and who knows, maybe someday we will find the answer. Although it has been 26 years since, so I'm not expecting any new revelations to come across my conscious any time soon.

We were cruising along the highway, minding our own business, when some (expletive deleted) decided to play games, by riding our tail, passing us, and then slowing down. You have all experienced that kind of friendly driver, no doubt. I, of course, was driving and whining about the jerk, so Brian finally tells me to just go ahead an gun it. I mean we had a 351 Windsor in a muscle car that was made for these kinds of things, right.

Sure.

Problem was, I had never really driven anything that fast, and it wasn't my car, so I got nervous. However, we did have a deadline to meet and didn't feel like pulling over to switch drivers, so Brian could be responsible for his car, and our lives (like I said, we didn't think as clearly as we do now, back then). So we decided that the best course of action would be for us to switch places.

Yes, I said switch places.

While driving.

At 95MPH.

The plan was simple, Ken would hold the steering wheel, from the back seat, while Brian and I would switch seats. Oh, and we simply had to maintain our speed - didn't want the long forgotten four cylinder car that we smoked to get the satisfaction of catching up to us.

No, we didn't even consider the fact that we could have easily pulled over and switched seats and still been ahead of the other car, that would be just plain silly.

Back to the plan, I would maintain my foot on the gas pedal (to the metal) and crawl under Brian to the passenger seat. First up, switch to having my left foot on the gas pedal, while swinging my right foot/leg over to the passenger seat. I think I might have still had a little hold on the steering wheel at this point, but shortly our lives would be in Ken's capable hands. I will have you know, that the plan was working, perfectly, with the only flaw being when either Brian or I hit Ken's arm (the one steering), which made us all see our lives flash before our eyes, along with the cars on the right, and the shrubs, grass, I think there was a cow...

Obviously, we survived, but that was the absolute dumbest thing that I have ever done, in my entire life and I would not recommend anyone trying it.ever.

Funny thing, after having our lives flash before our eyes, we no longer cared about the dude in the car that we were trying to shake, and pulled over at the next exit to take a well-needed break from all the "action."

Again, the tortoise beat the hare by being slow and steady.



I have no idea why the quote mentioned above brought this story to my mind, but it did. Now you should try the same thing, go and find a quotation to use and see what comes from it. You will probably be amazed at what it inspires.

Or confused.

I should try and find the picture that we took before our trip with the sign that I got the title from. Remind me sometime to share our experience, from the same trip, while in Wichita. An incident, by the way, that we consider to be way more scary than the one mentioned above.

Also, I cannot imagine letting my kids do the same thing today (not the driver switching, the traveling with friends alone), it's a crazier world today, even with the invention of cell phones. Too many crazy people out there.

In This Corner...

We have M - the Good Ol Boy (GOB), from Alabama, or is it South Carolina? It depends on which state is in his favor at the time, I guess. Actually, he grew up in Alabama, but lived in South Carolina for a long period of time, so he is comfortable with either. A little history, GOB is an alcoholic with a bad temper, he got busted for DUI a couple of years ago, and hasn't had a drink since. He actually abandoned his job a couple of years ago, we hired him back because he is a good worker and everyone deserves a second chance. He is also quite conservative, loud, dyslexic, and has a problem with pronouncing some words.

His crime: Upsetting Fnewgy (F-ing New Guy), with a reference of "Your boy Obama" and "Obama lover" (the last of which was actually said to me in a private conversation and not directed to Fnewgy, and it was actually directed towards "Obama lovers.")

Over in the other corner we have R - Fnewgy, also can be referred to as PITA, and Super Arrogant Ass, for this narration, we will call him Fnewgy, because the narrator likes this name, a lot. Fnewgy was hired on by us approximately nine months ago, within two weeks he pretty much alienated everyone. EVERYONE. He sent a note complaining about being call "new guy" by everyone, because well, he was the new guy. It had nothing to do with his skills, or anything other than the fact that he was the new guy. A friend of ours actually gave us the term Fnewgy, and it has stuck. He has sent, a minimum of, three letters to HR regarding some petty little thing like being called "new guy" or being asked to help the team out in areas other than his primary area, but he refused because he wasn't trained. It was to help out in shipping and receiving, not the assembly of rockets. He also refused to do some repairs on certain test equipment because he "doesn't get paid enough" to do that, which is funny because when he was complaining about being called the "new guy" he claimed that he could run circles around everyone in the lab with his knowledge base. Finally he felt that he was being harassed by GOB with all of the Obama references.

Enough background? Not yet. GOB is former Army and Navy (yep, he was crazy enough to join two branches of the military), Fnewgy was, uh, Coast Guard. Both men are in their fifties, with Fnewgy being older than GOB. Fnewgy also has a temper and has on many different occasions been known to get a little loud when trying to make a point, and he feels that former president GW Bush ruined his life and made him lose over a quarter a million dollars. I'm thinking hyperbole on that last point.

On to the Main Event...

It all started with this email sent on Monday:

Subject: Political personal attacks

GOB

I am sick and tired of your attacks on me Political personal attacks will no longer be tolerated. I heard your remark to Roger (yep that's me) about the "Obama Lover". Not to mention Friday's "Your Boy Obama" comment.

If you make even one more such attack I will make such a stink with HR that you may NOT survive. I am sure (My Company) does not want a law suite over your attacks. I am just the person to do it!

KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

If Roger(me again) and J(my boss) cannot get you to stop I'll get HR to do it.

Notice I did not send this to HR. This time!

Fnewgy

As you can see, Fnewgy was mad. Hence the red ink. No his email wasn't in red ink, sheesh. Just trying to lighten the tension around here.

So J decided that a meeting today would be necessary to calm the situation down. It was scheduled to start at eleven, but after he and I discussed it for a little bit, he figured why not start it now, at 9:15.

No Problem.

"GOB, Fnewgy, into J's office now. We're moving up our meeting."

At this point I am stalling, well actually talking to several other members of my team about a variety of things; one wanted to know if I needed anything from the gas station (no), another needed some paperwork corrected (done), a third wanted to discuss the weather (put that one on hold), and finally someone wanted to talk about some test equipment that could not be found (gonna have to wait on that as well). This whole time Fnewgy is waiting, and steaming. I have no idea why, I mean he did write the email. I told him that I would be right there, as nature had to make a call. Lots of green tea does that to a bladder.

I find Fnewgy waiting outside of J's office. Apparently he didn't want me to miss a thing. I should thank him someday.

A paraphrase:

We opened the door and Fnewgy starts yelling right away:

"I am pissed off right now about all these personal political attacks that are being blah, blah, blah" (I had to blah, blah, blah it because I almost busted out laughing, I mean it was surreal watching this man that is old enough to be my father, yelling at another man that could be my uncle.)

J says "Whoa, no need to get all excited. Let's be calm and rational her." I have to give him credit for a) not cracking up and b) actually calming Fnewgy down. J then laid out the ground rules (quiet discussion, no yelling, etc) and then gave the floor to Fnewgy.

"I am sick and blah, blah, blah, Political personal attacks, blah, blah, blah, my team of litigators (wow, he has a team of litigators? threatening, no?) will bring a lawsuit against you GOB for $1 million (oh yes he did), and J and My Company, and will settle for $250,000 and GOB being out of a job."

Sorry again for the paraphrasing, but I did hit the high points.

GOB started by saying "I want to apologize if I offended you in any way..."

"Your apology isn't worth spit." (oh yes he did)

Remember, way up there, how I mention a certain GOB and his temper? Yeah, I was shocked that I wasn't witnessing an ass-kicking, as well.

Notice that GOB allowed Fnewgy the chance to get everything off of his chest, whereas Fnewgy immediately shot down GOB's apology? Yep, I'm probably thinking the same thing as you all reading this, why oh why, is he still with us? Must be his team of litigators - WTF? Maybe that's what he lost all his money on, eh?

In the end, they both agreed to disagree, with Fnewgy stating that he doesn't hold any grudges (but has a team of litigators), whereas the GOB was honest and said that he did. (Another smirk on my part - I couldn't help myself).

J and I had so much fun, that we treated the lab to lunch.

I'll fill in any blanks that I think will make me, and you, laugh if I think of more. As for now, James Bond is on, so...

I Think I Am In BIG Trouble!!

I'm a pretty conscientious guy. I think things out, I back stuff up.

Welllllll.

Apparently when I deleted something (*cough pictures *cough) that I thought was just a copy, well, you know. Now, the good thing is that I haven't deleted my recycle bin, so I should be able to get them back, right?

Uh, no.

I swear that I did not delete the recycle bin. In fact, there was still stuff in there so I know that I haven't deleted it. However, I cannot seem to locate them.

Houston, we have a problem.

It all started when I tried out this cool little sharing thing, called Dropbox, which is pretty neat but I should have read the instructions closer, I think. I decided that it would be a cool place to keep some pictures.

It is.

Just not 35GB worth.

Oops! No problem, I'll just delete them and free up the space.

No problem.

Yeah right.

I guess I better go and read those instructions, or buy a better couch.

Blago -- Really!!

Not a fan of SNL, but I thought this was pretty funny. Oh, and I am so NOT from Illinois anymore -- Really!

Big Bad Black Friday

What the heck is wrong with this country and all that goes into this insanity known as Black Friday? I mean people are getting killed...

...The heavy glass and steel sliding doors were literally knocked off their hinges in the shopper-stampede-to-be-first. Then the wave of humanity caved in on defenseless Wal-Mart workers as they opened early -- 5 a.m. -- for the annual bargain hunting ritual that kicks off the morning after Thanksgiving.

"The crowd pushed so forcefully that they crashed the doors down and one of the workers from Wal-Mart was pushed to the floor as the crowd entered the store, many of them running," said Det. Lt. Michael Fleming of the Nassau County Police Department.

Cell phone video obtained by CBS 2 HD shows Jdimytai Damour, a 34-year-old part-time employee hired as a holiday temp. He was crushed in the onslaught and pronounced dead an hour later. As responding Nassau police and paramedics tried to save him, they were also jostled and pushed to the ground. ...

I'm sorry folks, but you all need to go back to your religious education classes - this is not what Christmas is about.

Good night and rest easy - I know that I will try to.

If There is One Thing I've Learned

It's that forty-one year old men that are a bit overweight should NOT try to stretch a triple into a home run, especially when playing in a gym and there is a stage right behind home plate.

Got the picture?

Photo Credit

No, it wasn't pretty and I can barely move my right arm.

Photo Credit

I was safe though! :)

I think I need some ice!

How the Boys got New Bedrooms, part 2 (aka Roger Gets Grounded)

Previously on A Screed In Time:

Roger’s basement took on some water. Roger was told by his teenaged, video game playing sons, that they had cleaned up said water. Roger believed them…

Saturday came and went, the boys insisting that the basement was clean, and my believing them has already been stated. That means one of two things; one, I have great kids that ALWAYS do what they are told, and do it correctly the first time and can be treated as adults, and I cannot even continue that train of thought, or two, Roger is lazy.

I believe that the judge jury and everyone else will unanimously agree with option number two.

Now, before I shut the door completely on Saturday, let me tell you another part of the story – a happy part. Hurricane Ike (okay, not completely happy), decided to blow through the Houston, Texas area and caused some damage to Reliant Stadium and I think even Minute Maid (is that what it’s called) Park took a hit, which made the powers that be at Major League Baseball move the Chicago Cubs versus Houston Astros game to a “neutral” location. Where was that “neutral” location located?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Yes, the Milwaukee, Wisconsin that is a mere ninety miles from Chicago. Houston didn’t have a choice, or at least any friends in the commissioner’s office, and had to travel to the “neutral” ballpark.

I think they announced this at 9:00pm.

At 9:01, my son Andy – the big Cubs fan in the family, was calling and asking if we could go. Sure, I say. I mean there was nothing wrong with the house or basement, right? After all, the boys did say that they cleaned it up, and to my credit, I did ask them again.

No, I still didn’t go and check. (Please turn those glares off, I am just an innocent victim of circumstance here, really, {no, I don’t believe that. I know I was a BAD BOY}).

The good news – we got tickets, eight rows from the field. You can see some of them here, and they were worth every penny spent on them. Now, we had never been to Miller Park before, but I can tell you this, I would like to go back. It’s a great place to see a baseball game – and the food isn’t half bad either.

The GREAT news, we witnessed a no-hitter!

Monday comes and goes without any problems, I even got up and to work on time. It was a long day the day before with Mass, and the baseball game and all. Plus my “alarm clock” Jenni was still in Minneapolis. I called Benjy from work, reminding him that his mother and siblings were coming home and that he should do a good cleaning. I did not mention the basement; because well, I was under the impression that it was cleaned up already, remember.

Meanwhile, Jenni was on her way home from visiting her brother and his family, and it was not going good from the start.

We got a GPS unit for the van to help with our travels. Now, I personally don’t care for a GPS, because in all honesty I have never had any problems reading a map or figuring out how to get somewhere. I only appear to be lost to someone that is not aware of my mind (God Bless Them), and how it works. I think there are examples of that here on this blog in fact, just look around.

Anyway, the GPS told Jenni to turn left, when she KNEW that she should be turning right. So, I get a phone call, and proceed to pull up a map of the Twin Cities, problem solved, until Madison, Wisconsin. I told Jenni to stay on I-94 when she left Minnesota, thinking that the GPS would be okay by the time she hit Madison and had to switch to I-39/I-90.

Another phone call - turns out Mr. GPS is sending my family towards Milwaukee. That would be a really long way to go, plus you would have to deal with some really bad traffic. I get her to turn off onto a smaller highway, and give her directions back to I-39/I-90, and we lose our connection. She calls back later telling me that the GPS is sending her back north towards - uh no, you want to go south… and the phone cut out again.

Back to Benjy, at home cleaning (yeah, right), I again warn him that his mother will not be in a good mood and to make extra sure that the house is cleaned up.

I decided to leave work early, anyway. I think you can guess as to what kind of “cleaning” young master Benjy did. I called Jenni to gauge her timing, and she said that she was in Madison – an obvious lie, as she showed up fifteen minutes later.

There are times in married life, when you know that things are not going to go your way.

You would think that I would remember that, especially after sixteen years of marriage.

I did not.

To be continued…

This Just In...

P. Diddy doesn't like McCain.

Heck for that matter he doesn't like white people. But thank God he lives in these here United States of America, where he can say such crap without fear of reprisals or any other punishment that a less civilized nation wouldn't tolerate.

Now get this...

If I said the same things that P. Diddy says about McCain and Palin, about P. Diddy, I would be crucified as a racist full of hate-speech. Don't bother looking for the link on this site either, I refuse to help him out with his foul-mouthed nonsense. Fair warning, if you do find it (I believe it is on You tube), he swears.

Another thing I found out today... Lindsay Lohan thinks that Sarah Palin is a bad choice for Vice President.

Really.

That just shocks my socks off. I mean who would have thought such an upstanding young woman, of high character I might add, would want to settle for McCain/Palin, when she has the new Messiah in Obama to vote for. My guess is that Lindsay Lohan isn't even a registered voter, and will probably be too busy getting her hair done to even bother voting on November 4, if she were.

Okay, stepping down now.

Maybe.

Glad to see the Obama campaign has brought Hope and Change to the election.


P.S. - Okay no more politics this week, unless there is more stupidity to be shared.

P.P.S. - Nope, no more politics... I need a happier subject, like my next post. (quickly looking for happy...)

UPDATE: If you want to compare and contrast a couple of videos, then go here to see the Diddy video, then one from MachoSauceProductions. Night and Day. (h/t: nice deb)

He Should Have Stayed In Sports...

I used to respect Keith Olbermann.

Now I just think that he is another whacked-out-liberal-that-hates-America-and-all-it-stands-for-looking-to-incite... something, I don't know what?

It doesn't really matter what you think of the sitting president of this country to me, you can love him or hate him. Some things he does I like, some things I don't.

The First Amendment of the United States Constitution states:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

One of, if not, the most important rights we have as American citizens. However it does not give a person the right on a nationally broadcast station (granted his audience is only around 400,000 people) to treat the president with such disrespect. Especially, when he is speaking out of his nether region.

What an A$$.

Okay, I'm better now.

No, We're Not Too Litigious Here

Talk about your dumb LAWSUITS.

Seriously, and The Smoking Gun has a point about suing the county as well. After all, the pictures of their private residence is there for the whole world to see, if they wanted to, on the county's web site. As well as the price they paid, etc...

I wonder how many people put the address into their Google maps, to see for themselves, especially since their address is on the court paper work.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Why can't people just go out and make money the old fashioned way, and get a job, instead of going for the fast and easy buck. Must be too taxing, I guess.

I sincerely hope the judge that gets this case throws it out, and then reprimands the lawyer for filing such a stupid, STUPID, lawsuit.

So do you want to hear how I really feel? :)



Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones. ~ Bertrand Russell

You Will Want To Be Sitting Down For This

As I was surfing the blogosphere, instead of going to bed (can you tell that I'm feeling better?) I found a link to this site It's Our Wonderful Life, and this post. I am floored to say the least. Paying somebody to potty-train your child, or to fill out paperwork for school enrollment. Sheesh. What the heck has this world come to. Go check out what I am talking about. It'll knock you over, now you know why I asked you to sit down first.

I really should just go to bed now. Before I see something else that will get my blood pressure up.

Night-Night all, and God Bless!

Talk About Your Irony...

Maybe Governor Eliot Spitzer was getting some connections when he was prosecuting crimes like this.

I feel for his wife and daughters who must be devastated. I mean it would be bad enough to find out, in private. Now imagine having the glare of the media shining through your window. It would probably be right for him to resign and just quietly disappear for a while.

Why is it that smart people do dumb things? Amazing.

Now, for something else amazing, I heard on the radio some lady actually defending his right to do this. Okay. Sure he does have the right to do it, after all there is nothing that says you cannot commit a crime in this country. Now, if you get caught, that's another story.

Anyway, this lady was trying to correlate Spitzer paying for sex, versus (you know of whom I shall now mention) Clinton having sex with an intern. She said that as long as Spitzer was doing his job, what difference does it make what he does in the privacy of his own home. (Or a suite at a Washington D.C. hotel, in this case). I agree. You can do whatever you want, and should be allowed to do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home. AS LONG AS IT ISN'T ILLEGAL!!

Last I checked, prostitution is only legal in the state of Nevada. However not in Las Vegas, more irony there. Also believe it or not Adultery is also against the law. Oh and let's not forget that Spitzer put people behind bars FOR doing exactly what he just got caught doing.

And people wonder why I hate politicians.

Now, why do I care? Because this is a black-eye on the country, believe it or not. Now there are some places that will poo-poo it, in fact some people in this country will do the same thing I imagine. This is why the terrorists hate us so much.

Our lack of morality. If you wonder why there are so many teens having sex before marriage, just watch the television for a night, premarital sex is glamorized for all to see. Arrggghhhh! I spinning in tangents now, sorry.

I hope for the good of the state of New York, Eliot Spitzer steps down, TODAY.

Good night from Illinois, where we have our own corrupt Governor, but hey so is everyone else under him, so...

A new list later, I promise.

Excited, aren't you?

Bye-bye

Once Upon a Midnight Dreary...

Today in 1845, Edgar Allan Poe released The Raven, in the New York Evening Mirror. A marvelous piece of work that stands the test of time. At least in literary circles.

The Raven tells the story, in the form of a narrative poem, of a young scholar lamenting the loss of his beloved Lenore. Oh, and he is visited by a talking Raven that makes the scholar a little loopy, to say the least. Of course is he really loopy or is he trapped in the shadow of.... something far more sinister. Hmmm.

Or maybe I am just pulling things out of my posterior? It has been a long time since I read The Raven, and may be a long time before I do it again. Although, I have to admit that my curiosity is a bit piqued at rereading it. I'll let you know.

Two things caught my eye today, as I perused the Internet news sections. Both interest me greatly, for different reasons. First we have this moron. Yep, go ahead and read it, or keep with me and I will spoil the surprise.

It seems that this esteemed archivist, esteemed is my word, decided to steal archives from work. Where did he work you say? Why would such a theft bother the Bug? Well, you see this archivist works with the New York State Library and stole various artifacts, sorry archives, like Davey Crockett almanacs, a four-page letter from Vice President John Calhoun written in 1823, and the 1865 railroad timetable for Abraham Lincoln's funeral train.

Why did he do this? To help pay for his daughter's $10,000 credit card bill. I kid you not. He even sounded rather cavalier about the whole thing, saying that he would steal archives whenever he needed the money, for remodeling his house, vacations, you name it. What a puddwhacker! He deserves the 25 year maximum sentence.

Next story that caught my eye was this one. The sky is falling, and it may be falling near you too. Especially if you live in North America, which I do. So that's just great, a huge chunk of a spy satellite is hurtling towards us as we speak. I imagine that it would be quick and painless, at least. I thought these things were supposed to burn up in the atmosphere? Sheesh. So everyone look to the sky towards the end of February and see if your future isn't going to be so bright. Actually, I guess it would be pretty bright right up until the....

Other stories, I am sharing with you this fine Tuesday evening, from the grand cabin of my workplace. The employee mentioned earlier, a few posts back. I think their days are numbered. We have a meeting on Friday at 5 to discuss the matter. Never a good sign.

Catherine, I really do not dislike my job, I just vent here on occasion to share with the world what I feel is an inordinate about of stupidity when it comes to some things. Heck, I have been accused of being inordinately stupid myself - especially when it comes to French. :-)

Diet Coke two-liters were on sale Five for $5, you know I got some of that! Same goes for Campbell's Chunky soups, they were on sale for ten for $10. I know can be trapped at work for several days and still not lose any weight!

Just got a call from the Mrs. and apparently the day that started out in the high 40's is now in the teens and dropping. Plus there is wind, snow and ice. Yea! Drive home should be an adventure, to say the least. i guess the weather dudes and dudettes weren't exaggerating, eh?

Oh well, better go then.

Music that was just playing for me:

Eagles of Death Metal: I Want You So Hard (Boys Bad News)

What the heck kind of group and title is that? Oh well, I like the song, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Have a great evening!!

My Boss Is...

A big fat wimpy boy.

Why?

I'll tell you why. We have an employee here that has consistently been tardy, at least once every two weeks, missed three days because there car was "stolen" and they didn't have any PTO (Paid Time Off) left. Misused the company credit card, not once but three times, (yes I did say three and I am not exaggerating here). Shown up to work in a state other than one being ready to work another four times, that I know of (they have done on site trips where I cannot be a witness, and I took some vacation last year) Then there is the case of having all of their work checked, as opposed to, the 7% rate that everyone else is on. The several occasions that equipment has been shipped to a customer with the wrong paperwork.

Aaarrrrggghhh!!

The only thing that our customers see is the paperwork, so it is kind of important. This person has known that from day one, yet continues to be lacking in any sense of attention to detail. It's just very frustrating and I had to vent, so there... my steam has been released and I will be all the better for it. I think.

Back to your regularly scheduled whatever. :-)

I Am Idiot

Yep, how is that for a title?

By the way Happy New Year!!

Back to the title. I am Idiot, why you ask? Well, because I am now $125 poorer thanks to my locking the keys in my running car. It all happened so fast, so fast in fact, that I didn't even know that I had done it.

It snowed last night, still snowing in fact, and I was getting ready to leave for Church (Holy Day, don't you know). Anyway, I went to unlock the driver's side door, when I found the lock to be frozen shut - it has happened before, and I knew the solution. Go around to the other door and unlock it from there. Anyway, I opened the door and started the car - to warm it up and help with defrosting the window, etc. I had also tried to unlock the door by cycling through the power locks a couple of times, it didn't loosen the driver side, but no problem, my car has a large front seat, and I can just slide over after I get the car cleared off.

I close the door and proceed to clear off the snow and ice from the windows. I get around to the driver side door and try to open it - oh yeah, I forgot that it was frozen shut, so I head to the passenger side and ... What the heck?! This door is frozen shut too? Ah man, so I give it a bigger tug. Nope. Still stuck.

That is when the 'real story' starts to sink in for me. I think I locked my keys in the car. Crap. Okay, no biggie let's just go back in the house and call someone. But who? A locksmith, I would imagine. First place I call, no answer. Same goes for the second and third. Small moment of panic. Why is no one answering their phones.

Duh.

It is New Year's Day. Dang it. Now what?

Well I grab the bigger phone book - I was looking at the mini-book version of the phone book, that covers just Batavia. There it is. 24 hour emergency service. Great, let me call them.

"Hi, I locked my keys in my car, can you come out and help me please?"

"Sure, no problem, what's your address?"

I tell him... "I'll be there in twenty-five minutes."

Cool. I can make it to the next Mass, since I obviously will not make it to the 9 o'clock now.

Twenty-five minutes later, I get a phone call.

"Hello, you call about unlocking your car?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there in twenty-five minutes."

"Okay?"

What the heck, I didn't realize that the guy meant he was going to CALL me back in twenty-five minutes. Great. Well, I guess I better go and shovel the driveway now. I was really hoping to avoid that. You see, if I had gone to Mass, my neighbor would then clear the shared driveway, but now, I have to do it. At least it is exercise. :-)

So, I am shoveling the 'Heart Attack' snow - called that because of the amount of exertion required to lift the heavy stuff, and the penchant for fat guys to overdo it. No worries, I'm not that fat, right. Well as it turns out, I'm not the one that broke. I'm working up a little bit of a sweat - even though it's something like 18 degrees outside - that's Fahrenheit, not Celsius. Like I said, I was in a rhythm and getting the drive cleared, when I hear a crack.

Uh oh, my back has called it a day. Wait, my back doesn't hurt. In fact it feels pretty good, considering I have three 'warming pads' sleeping with me named; Quigley, Clancy and Finnegan. I would have a fourth and fifth, but Zoe is just too big, and Kirby doesn't like to share the bed with the dogs, understandable considering he's a cat, keeping my back warm and loose through the night.

What an extremely too long sentence that was. Sorry.

Okay, so I hear the crack, and since my back isn't hurt, I try again. CRACK. Oh no. I look at my shovel and I see a small crack on the front where the shovel meets the handle. I have half the driveway left, but I think that if I take it easy I can make the shovel last. So I was shoveling, and hearing an occasional crack, and finished my drive. On closer inspection of the shovel, the crack on the front never got any worse, in fact it looks a little better. How can that be? I turn the shovel over and found my answer. A HUGE crack on the back side.

Guess I'm going to need a new shovel.

I come back in the house and wait for the 'lock guy' to come out.

Finally he's here. Sixty minutes later. At least my car will be warmed up.

It takes him easily twenty minutes to get it open. I was hoping for longer, so that I would feel better about getting my money's worth. Especially when I see what he is doing.

Right before he got here, my neighbor JH said he could get it with a clothes hanger. But it is power locks I say, clothes hangers won't work... will they? Of course they will he responds. Well I already called a guy.

So the guy, we'll call him Nick because that's his name, pulls out what amounts to a reinforced clothes hanger. JH sees this, of course. I know I will hear about it later. He doesn't disappoint.

So, that is how my New Year has started. I hope it is not a foreshadowing of what this year will be like, I can't afford it.

Oh and I'm a sinner now, because I missed Mass. I knew I should have went last night!

Happy New Year!!

As a post script... At least Rachel and her lovely salute is finally off the front page. :-)