Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Well, okay, it's really been kind of a blah year personally, but in one instance (technically two) it has been a very good year.
In October, my oldest daughter (Jessie) turned 13.
I know on the surface that may not seem like a good kind of thing, with all the stories you hear about teen-aged girls, etc. All true, by the way, just saying. So true that I think our next daughter (Katie) is already practicing to be a teen-aged girl. Which of course, means that Maggie will start following her older sisters lead, in about a week.
Never was a fan of fishing, that may change. Again, just saying.
Where was I? Oh yeah, 2010 has been a good year, really it has. As we near the end of it, we have reached another milestone, of sorts. Our oldest, Andy, turned twenty today.
It's a proud moment as a parent, seeing your children grow up into such fine, responsible young men and women... no really, it's kind of fun to watch as they fall flat on their faces on occasion. Just like we did, and we have turned out okay. Right? In all honesty, I know for a fact that I fell on my face way more than Andy has. I would also love to take credit for it, but we all know the truth don't we?
So my theme for 2010, if a year needs a theme, is "One in, one out."
Of their teen-aged years.
This won't happen in our home again until the year 2019. Not quite Haley's Comet like, but still.
Happy Birthday Andy!!!
- I should have surpassed that number long ago, what the heck happened to me? I mean two posts in November? Seriously. I find it hard to believe that I had nothing to say over those thirty days, well not nothing, but for the most part it really was.
- My total actually included some fifteen draft posts - so apparently I did have something to say, let's investigate: Every single draft post had a title, and that was it. Now some of these titles were grand, let me tell you... okay, not really. They were mostly titles for reviews of books read, that hadn't been written. I wonder why?
- This third bullet is going to be filled with excessive nonsense, because in all honesty, I only had two things that I realized, other than the beating myself up over stuff, that I figured I would share. However, just having two bullet points is not nearly as impressive as say three.
- Or four.
- Heck, five makes it look like I spent a lot of time thinking about what I am putting down here. Hahahahahahahahaha! Too much? I am actually quite bored, because I am stuck waiting for the FedEx guy/girl to show up and have a bit of time on my hands.
- Idle minds can be the Devils playground, however, I don't think that even he wants to see what's tolling through my brain at the moment. okay, who am I kidding, he thrives on it.His job and all that.
Back to your regularly scheduled life. Heck this post probably won't be read by many (please comment if you did, even if it's just a hello), because I have another post in mind that has to be done today, because any other day would kind of ruin the whole moment in time aspect of it.
You'll see. Even if you didn't see this.
Friday, December 10, 2010
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
*** I promise to start posting my own material soon, I think. :-)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The contest was to write a story, the length was a paragraph (I kind of cheated there, but it's okay), and had to be spooky story. I honestly just threw it together and it won. Proving that whenever the muse takes a hold of you, it ain't all bad.
Anyway, I want to thank Erik Ekstrom for hosting the contest at his blog, and encourage you to go and read his books. That last one is the one I won, and I will be sure to add it to my reading list - heck, I'll probably even review it.
So I wrote all of that, to share this with you, enjoy:
Enjoying the spirit of All Hallows Eve, I took a stroll to the cemetery where my grandfather was buried. I have done this every year since for as long as I could remember, in fact, it was my grandfather that got me started, saying that “we needed to remember and pray for those that came before us.” Sound advice and being a kid, I never disagreed with anything grandpa would say. Needless to say, the tradition stuck. There were three grave sites that I visited every year one was my grandfathers, the other two were people that my grandfather would tell me about. The first visit for me was always grandpa, so that I could take him along with me while I visited the other two that he had introduced to me so many years ago. Next, was Marie Antoinette, no not the former queen of France, at least I don’t think it was because who ever heard of the queen of France being buried in a small graveyard in the middle of Ohio? The last stop was my namesake, Juniper Clark. I always hated my parents naming me Juniper, as it was a weird name for a boy and now a man. Alas, Juniper it was. This year would be special because my grandfather said that visiting Juniper on All Hallows Eve, the year I turned forty-seven would be extra special, prayer-wise, because Juniper died at the age of forty-seven on All Hallows Eve so many years ago. As I walked to the grave, I noticed something different about it, a large hole had been dug out and found that to be rather strange. “I told you this would be a special day.” I nearly jumped out of my skin when my grandfather walked from behind the tombstone, it was then I noticed the dates on the tombstone – the same tombstone I had been visiting for forty plus years. Juniper died tonight on this very date, October 31, 2010. Juniper was me, and I was Juniper, come home at last.
So, what did you think? Should I keep writing? Is there hope for me? Can I borrow a dollar?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
| You are a |
You are best described as a:
Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid.com: Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test
Saturday, October 23, 2010
A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him First Communion and Confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start!"
Friday, October 22, 2010
I think I will have to rush out and get his autobiography now. I am just way behind on mine, and at his rate I should be working on volume 3. I'm such a slacker.
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: May 16, 2010
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
Friday, October 1, 2010
What kind of goals? Well the same I always have, you know, write more, read more, live more and eat less. I have been reading a lot more all year, and I think that I am well over my original goal of two books in a month and am currently shooting to have forty completed by the end of the year, which is less than ten currently I believe.
I have been trying to live more, however, the only evidence I have of that is the fact that my lively fingers are responding to the equally lively brain that has processes being formulated and sent through various nerve thing-a-ma-doodles (is so a word!) to them.
I have even gone on and started eating less, and get this kids, exercising.
I'm serious! It's been a remarkable month so far and I have lost over eight pounds!! (That means nine, not ten, but it sounds better to say more than something, especially when it comes to losing weight, at least that is what my equally lively brain that has sent the processes...)
So what's left?
Um, have you looked around here lately? 119 blog posts for the year, only 3 in the month of September - of which I only wrote anything substantial on one. Yeah, I need to kick my arse in gear and get back to my writing routine, after all if I want to live, this is part of what makes me alive.
Believe it or not.
I get a little bit of a high while writing, I mean my mind suddenly realizes that I am no longer doing my mundane daily tasks of bossing people around or eating. Yeah, it's suffering through a little bit of culture shock as well. Anyway, I have a goal in mind for the number of words that I would like to write every day, and since I have this site, I can even post all of those words here, for some body's enjoyment (you caught me, it's actually for mine).
What is that goal?
Glad you asked, and I'm not sure that I want to tell you because then you might come to expect words of wisdom in a certain length on a daily basis and the pressure...
Ah screw it, I'll tell you. Just like I will tell you my current weight (once a week) and my current workout (more than once a week). I am also going to be putting some stories that I am working on, and please, please feel free to give me any kind of criticism, encouragement, snarky remarks you can come up with - I need to be able to handle that sort of thing you know.
Those of you that have stuck with me through my latest dry-spell, I appreciate it, really I do. Those of you just now reading my words for the first time, welcome. Feel free to stop by more often and you can always go back and witness the craziness that is known as my brain on paper. Sometimes I am profound (HA!), most of the time I am silly. I will dabble a bit into the political arena, but I don't always like to, because you know whatever I say, it's gonna piss someone off, right? I'm not one that likes to piss off too many people so... you know.
I can also guarantee that there will be plenty of things that will be here that my family might question my sanity with, but you should feel safe in the knowledge that the medication I am taking is working and that my family is never in any danger - unless laughing at their dad makes them wet themselves, in which case, ewwww.
Photos are good and hopefully they will be plentiful, in fact I might just start putting them on another page, we'll see. I kind of like that photo 365 project, or whatever it's called, so if you see the pages up there and one day photos, or some other witty name shows up, check them out. Same goes for the books read page, heck I might even start reviewing more books - no guarantees there though, as I had intended on reviewing every book that I read, or listened to, and I think I have reviewed one-fifth of the thirty-plus books I have read this year.
Okay, so are you still with me? Only a couple more things that I feel like sharing at the moment, and I honestly just blanked on them, so they must not have been too terribly important. Life in the fast lane, I guess.
Below this little screed, if you will, you will see a place where you can make a comment, or two. Please use that, I enjoy getting feedback from others and it would be really cool if I could respond to you directly via email, otherwise you will have to come back here and see if I read what you had to share and commented back. Believe me I read everything that people share here, even the spam and nasty mean comments.
Okay, maybe not too much the spam, but the others, most definitely.
This has been fun and I feel like I have only just begun.
That doesn't seem to be making much sense, the same could be said for this line as well, but it's the way I write here, totally off-the-cuff, and straight from the brain of ROG, which actually sounds scarier than it is, especially if you read ROG like BOG and not like RAJ - makes sense, no?
Just think, if you come by here each and every day, and read what I have written, you will have over 350,000 words to think over and marvel at. At the end of that year, who knows, maybe I'll be as famous as someone that is more famous than I.
So have you figured out that writing goal yet?
It's 1,000 words a day.Which brings me to the next thing that will be included with each post, the word count. I have to keep myself honest right?
Thanks for reading and will see you next time.
W/C - 1076
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Anyway, I was perusing the library shelves for a new audio book, no it is not cheating I look at it as being practical as it allows me to be reading a couple of books, and listening to another at the same time. Anyway, I came across his book American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot, and thought it was worth a shot. As a bonus, it was read by the author, and I am truly entranced by the Scottish accent, be it spoken by a man or a woman. Weird? Maybe, but also true. One of the coolest trips I ever made was to Scotland where I fell in love with the place, someday it would be nice to go back.
American on Purpose is the autobiography of Mr. Ferguson and his life (obviously) through the year 2008. Let me tell you, I have a whole new amount of respect for what Mr. Ferguson has gone through with his life, which includes lots of drugs, partying, sex, and of course alcohol. It should be noted that he has been stone-cold sober since Feb 18, 1992 and should be commended for it. I never realized what torture it was to be an alcoholic, and Mr. Ferguson describes it in great detail.
He is very humble about his beginnings and, I believe, truly amazed that he has made it to where he is now and you can tell throughout the entire tone of the book. Be forewarned there is a bit of swearing throughout, but I still found it to be a very honest and funny book and highly recommend reading it. Better yet, listen to it, Mr. Ferguson's narration is exceptional and you can feel the emotion as he reads parts where he talks about his failed marriages, his rehab, and his family. He has lived a very blessed life, and would be likely to tell you the same.
Even if autobiography's aren't your cup of tea, I am sure that you will find the tale to be a good listen/read. So go out and get it today, you won't be disappointed, better yet use the link attached and get it from Amazon and it'll be at your doorstep in a couple of days.
Five out of five stars.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Please, please, hold your applause and cheers, you know that you will be missing them in a few
Anyway, with this being such a special day, I thought I would share a few pictures, if that's okay with you.
First up we have Maggie, who is going to school for the first time - she has been home-schooled for the past two years...
Jessie is next and looking more and more grown up as she is entering that fun year, seventh grade.
Katie is looking forward to hanging out with her friends, oh and going to class of course. She really enjoys going to school.
Andy is actually getting ready for his last day of summer work - he leaves for his sophomore year at Loras College tomorrow.
Benjy always knows where the camera is, so he doesn't have to show his face. Notice how dark it is outside? That's because it is 5:30am. He was waiting for his grandfather (the Deacon) to take him to morning mass.
We have been blessed with seven wonderful children and now have five of them in schools ranging from second grade to college sophomore. I think Danny is even getting excited about going to school next year. Maybe. He wants to go to Disney World first, then we'll talk.
He is so ours.
How did your first days go? Were the kids excited about getting back into the school game? Or did they fuss and fight waking up?
Have a great school year kids, we love you!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
So, Roger, why are you writing about this book and movie that you won't even check out because they might offend your masculine-ness? Well, because... let me tell you about myself a little bit here, I am a curious sort and every now and again I get a jolt to the brain and start looking things up. I should write down that process sometime so that people might start understanding me better, nah, what fun would that be. Maybe.
Anyway, in the process of one of my little 'mind jolts' I came across the story about Eat, Pray, Love and its author Elizabeth Gilbert. Probably started from a blog I was reading, yeah it was here at Chocolate for your Brain that got the whole thing started, because I was curious about this book, actually the story about the book - because I had no idea that it was an actual memoir.
That in turn led me to Swagbucks, which in turn led me to a whole gaggle of information about one Elizabeth Gilbert and her memoir, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across, Italy, India, and Indonesia. Which, in turn, led me to her website, which then led me to the whole inspiration behind this little blurb today, the video below. The reason I am sharing this video with you, should be obvious, is because I thought it to be very entertaining and a bit educational, or maybe it was the other way around and was very educational and a bit entertaining. I'll leave that for you to decide. Fair warning, it's something like nineteen minutes long. But it's a fast nineteen minutes.
So with that, I say enjoy...
No, I still don't think I will read the memoir, her other stuff maybe but only if I am feeling contemplative, I guess. Oh, and just because I won't, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Seriously.
Okay, I'm really leaving now... Bye-bye!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.
For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.
1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.
2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.
3. "Go West, Young College Grad" has always implied "and don't stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way."
4. Al Gore has always been animated.
5. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along.
6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.
7. "Caramel macchiato" and "venti half-caf vanilla latte" have always been street corner lingo.
8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.
9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus's folks on Parents' Weekend.
10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet.
11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.
12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.
13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.
14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.
15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.
16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.
17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.
18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.
19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.
20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.
21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.
22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.
23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.
24. "Cop Killer" by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.
25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.
26. Unless they found one in their grandparents' closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.
27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.
28. They've never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.
29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.
30. "Viewer Discretion" has always been an available warning on TV shows.
31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.
32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.
33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.
34. "Assisted Living" has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.
35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.
36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.
37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an "Annus Horribilis."
38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.
39. Pizza jockeys from Domino's have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.
40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.
41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.
42. Potato has always ended in an "e" in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.
43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.
44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.
45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.
46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.
47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.
48. Someone has always gotten married in space.
49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.
50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.
51. Food has always been irradiated.
52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.
53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn't he?
54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.
55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.
56. They may have assumed that parents' complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.
57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife.
58. Beethoven has always been a dog.
59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola's new Tab Clear, it was gone.
60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.
61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies' withholding tax, or else.
62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.
63. Their parents' favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.
64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.
65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.
66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.
67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court.
68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.
69. The Post Office has always been going broke.
70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.
71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.
72. One way or another, "It's the economy, stupid" and always has been.
73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.
74. They've always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.
75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Is a novella by the master of suspense, and a pretty good storyteller, Stephen King.
Let me tell you, it is a great read, and also one that will take you no more than a few hours, heck some of you it might not even take an hour, to read. Very entertaining and it just sucks you right in, like most of Mr. King's books do.
Blockade Billy is the story about how William "Blockade Billy" Blakely, made a name for himself as the catcher for the 1957 New jersey Titans. The Titans were having a tough time in the spring of that year with keeping catchers healthy, and had to resort to calling up anybody, not caring if they were from double or triple A, to play catcher for Titans until they could find someone with a little more experience.
Enter William Blakely, from the Davenport Cornhuskers, complete with his rundown truck with the chicken wire holding the license plate on, to the old baseball gear that looked a little worse for wear. Blakely comes in with a wide-eyed look about himself, which makes sense coming from the farm towns of Iowa to the big city and all.The narrator "Granny" worries that the kid might not be made of major league material and doesn't really give the kid a chance.
The rest is history, or lack of history, as the saying goes and Blakely starts off the season on a tear and he earning the nickname "Blockade Billy" by his play behind the plate. He is having a season for the storybooks, and you just know that Mr. King has something special planned.
I highly recommend that you read Blockade Billy if you get a chance, as the story is rich and the characters come to life in a manner that only Stephen King has. An enjoyable and quick read.
Four out of Five stars for this wonderful novella.
- Hardcover: 144 pages
- Publisher: Unknown (May 25, 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1451608217
- ISBN-13: 978-1451608212
- Product Dimensions: 7.3 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A Creative Writing professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or her desk. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca & Bill
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Bill )
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
( Bill )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
( Bill )
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read too many Danielle Steele novels!"
( Bill )
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
( Bill )
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
A+ - I really liked this one.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Anyway, these past seven months have just flown by and I don't really have much to show for it. I might be down a couple of pounds, and I have finished reading a lot more books than I had planned to by this point in the year. I also have a new four-year old and a new one-year old, and by the end of the year - Christmas in fact, we will be the proud parents of a twenty-year old son.
That looks weird. I mean how can I be the parent of a twenty-year old? Oh, and to just ratchet it up a notch, I will also have a new driver in the household. How can this be happening, next thing you'll be telling me is that I will be fifty soon.
Here, let me distract myself with a picture...
Yep, I went there!