KC or Bust!

Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. - Bertrand Russell

I have a confession to make.

I have not always been the model of safe driving.

Shocked you are, no doubt. Let me share ...

(cue way back machine music)

Back in the summer of 1984, my buddies Ken and Brian and I thought it would be a good time to drive to Kansas City and spend a week out there with Brian's Uncle. We would drive interstate 70 west from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas or maybe it was Missouri. Either way, we decided that this would be one of those great bonding times for us best friends and didn't even think about the fact that we were three teens (17, 17 and 16) driving across two complete states; without parental supervision.

Yeah, we were cool like that.

The plan was for us to take Brian's baby, his 1969 black fastback Mustang - with a 351 Windsor under the hood. (That is about all I know about that car, and maybe the fact that it's not very comfortable to drive across two states, but I digress). The three of us would each take turns driving, and just having a grand old time.

First problem, Ken didn't know how to drive a manual transmission.

Okay, so Brian and I will drive across two states, no biggie. We were young and we knew that we could handle it.

Second problem, Colorado east of the Rockies is nothing but flat, boring prairie, and the entire state of Kansas is the same way. Driving across boring plains is well, boring, and can easily cause one to "doze off" while driving. So, we planned on switching every two to three hours, or whenever we stopped for gas. Makes sense, sounds logical right?

Fate can be a fickle little friend, or maybe that's fiend.

Now what it was that came over us to do the following is still up for debate, and who knows, maybe someday we will find the answer. Although it has been 26 years since, so I'm not expecting any new revelations to come across my conscious any time soon.

We were cruising along the highway, minding our own business, when some (expletive deleted) decided to play games, by riding our tail, passing us, and then slowing down. You have all experienced that kind of friendly driver, no doubt. I, of course, was driving and whining about the jerk, so Brian finally tells me to just go ahead an gun it. I mean we had a 351 Windsor in a muscle car that was made for these kinds of things, right.

Sure.

Problem was, I had never really driven anything that fast, and it wasn't my car, so I got nervous. However, we did have a deadline to meet and didn't feel like pulling over to switch drivers, so Brian could be responsible for his car, and our lives (like I said, we didn't think as clearly as we do now, back then). So we decided that the best course of action would be for us to switch places.

Yes, I said switch places.

While driving.

At 95MPH.

The plan was simple, Ken would hold the steering wheel, from the back seat, while Brian and I would switch seats. Oh, and we simply had to maintain our speed - didn't want the long forgotten four cylinder car that we smoked to get the satisfaction of catching up to us.

No, we didn't even consider the fact that we could have easily pulled over and switched seats and still been ahead of the other car, that would be just plain silly.

Back to the plan, I would maintain my foot on the gas pedal (to the metal) and crawl under Brian to the passenger seat. First up, switch to having my left foot on the gas pedal, while swinging my right foot/leg over to the passenger seat. I think I might have still had a little hold on the steering wheel at this point, but shortly our lives would be in Ken's capable hands. I will have you know, that the plan was working, perfectly, with the only flaw being when either Brian or I hit Ken's arm (the one steering), which made us all see our lives flash before our eyes, along with the cars on the right, and the shrubs, grass, I think there was a cow...

Obviously, we survived, but that was the absolute dumbest thing that I have ever done, in my entire life and I would not recommend anyone trying it.ever.

Funny thing, after having our lives flash before our eyes, we no longer cared about the dude in the car that we were trying to shake, and pulled over at the next exit to take a well-needed break from all the "action."

Again, the tortoise beat the hare by being slow and steady.



I have no idea why the quote mentioned above brought this story to my mind, but it did. Now you should try the same thing, go and find a quotation to use and see what comes from it. You will probably be amazed at what it inspires.

Or confused.

I should try and find the picture that we took before our trip with the sign that I got the title from. Remind me sometime to share our experience, from the same trip, while in Wichita. An incident, by the way, that we consider to be way more scary than the one mentioned above.

Also, I cannot imagine letting my kids do the same thing today (not the driver switching, the traveling with friends alone), it's a crazier world today, even with the invention of cell phones. Too many crazy people out there.

Prayer before Starting on a Journey

Jenni and the kids, well six of them anyway, are traveling to the Dells with some friends today. So, I thought I would start their journey off with a Prayer before Starting a Journey for them, and for everyone that is traveling for the Thanksgiving weekend. Safe travels, and God Bless!

My holy Angel Guardian,

ask the Lord to bless the journey which I undertake,

that it may profit the health of my soul and body;

that I may reach its end, and that,

returning safe and sound,

I may find my family in good health.

Do thou guard, guide and preserve us.

Amen.

About Mondays

Mondays are fine and wonderful days that come once every seven days, they fill me with all kinds of fun and interesting thoughts, and I would like to share them with you, now.

• Bosses can be pricks on Mondays (yea!)
• Beds feel way more comfortable on Mondays
• News shows rehash the weekend in sixty seconds

Okay, enough of that.

I know you all are thinking that I have absolutely nothing to say or share with all four of you (yes I gained a reader, whoo-hoo). I also like writing the word whoo-hoo; 1) because it ain't really a word, 2) because it is how I feel when I write it and finally 3) because the Google spell check has yet to figure out that I like writing it and always highlights it as a misspelled word. I'm a sadist at heart, I guess.

Wimbledon 2008, the Gentleman's Championship (did you even know that I liked tennis?) what a match, and if it weren't for rain delays and the fact that we had to take Benjy to Rockford for Jeremiah Days, I would have seen the whole match. When I left, it looked like Nadal was going for the kill in the third set, but NO!! Mr. Roger (way cool name, by the way) Federer would not go down quietly. Of course neither would Mr. Nadal, and thus was born an incredible display of Grand Slam tennis 4-6, 4-6, 7-6(8), 7-6(10), 9-7.

WOW!!

The Tour de France started this weekend, and I will ask the lovely Miss Catherine for her insights, or maybe Rob can give me some as well. I'm thinking Valverde, just because he is a name that I remember doing fairly well over the past few years, so I will root for him. Unless someone better comes along, of course.

Does anyone, aside from Mrs. Rodriguez, even care about A-Rod and Madonna? To be honest, I find it way more interesting that Mrs. A-Rod flew to France to spend some time with Lenny Kravitz. Where are the kids in all of this? I know that they are both under five, but they have feelings too, you know. So while I read up on this "story" I came up with a vow, ready:

No matter how rich and famous I become, I will NEVER, NEVER-EVER, run off with Madonna, I promise. Or Lenny Kravitz for that matter either.

I know it was a sacrifice that had to be made, but I am a man of character and I wanted everyone to see it.

Oh and in case you were wondering about Six Flags, you know you were, we did not lose ANY children or adults. I also remember why it is I am not a fan of the joint. The people that work there are morons! I am not being harsh here, either and I will give you an example.

They sell these buckets of popcorn or cotton candy for something like $9, and you get free refills after your initial purchase. Sounds simple enough, and it is so worth it when you have as many people that we had in our group. The problem came when we started asking to get refills...

Me: Hi, can I get a refill on this yummy cotton candy?

Six Flags Employee That Doesn't Want To Be There: What?

Me: I would like a refill of my cotton candy

SFETDWTBT: No.

Me: What do you mean no?

SFETDWTBT: We don't do that here.

Me: But you sell it right?

Dude Behind The Counter: Yes, but we don't do refills here.

Me: Um, okay, do you know where I can get it refilled at?

DBTC: Nope. Over there (pointing everywhere at once) somewhere.

Me: Thanks.

I really do not like that place, Disney World is WAY better, and believe it or not, cheaper! So there!

My grill needs to be replaced. There I said it. It NEEDS to be replaced in a big way. (Yes, darling-love-of-my-life, wife we NEED a new grill). How else can we have a big deck building party if I cannot sufficiently supply the help with all the burnt grilled burgers, brats and dogs, with a grill that does not want to work. So please, please, for the love of everything nice in the world, can I have a new one? I'll keep it under $2,000 easy.

I spent the entire day Saturday, cleaning the garage. I need a new one of those too, but can wait. We are once again trying to make it into a rec room, of sorts. Granted it will be super hot next month, and super cold in January, but it also frees up a lot of space - once we clear out all the crap stuff that is there now.

C-Ya!

Let's go Out to Eat, part one

So there I was working hard on a homework assignment, watching the kids, playing video games. When the phone rings...

Me: "Hey."

Mrs. "Hey, Church is going to run long tomorrow, we're just now getting out. (it's 5:45 and Mass started at 4:15 - yep, it was a little longer than normal). So, what are we doing for dinner?"

Me: "I don't know, not really hungry and the kids (I had #6, Cuddlebug, Magpie and LHS at home with me) haven't asked for anything, yet."

Mrs. "Well, what are you making?"

Me: "Nothing."

Mrs. "We'll be home in a few minutes, you can get the kids ready then."

Me: "For what?"

**** Editorial note - I'm not putting in quotations from this point until I do, okay? So, no complaining. :-)

Mrs. So we can go and get something then, it's almost six and I know that I am hungry.

Me: I don't want to go out.

Mrs. I thought that...

Me: Let's just order a pizza

Mrs. I don't want pizza

Me: Well I don't feel like going out and I'm not dressed for it.

Mrs. What, are you in your shorts? Just put on some pants and we can go when I get home.

Me: Don't really feel like going anywhere.

Mrs. Fine, you better start making something for dinner then.

Me: Like what?

Mrs. I don't know, just not pizza.

Me: Okay, sure. Bye. (Clearly distracted at this point, because the creeps in the game I am playing are making it through my last defense. I HATE THAT!)

Mrs. Bye.

Ten minutes later the Mrs. is home and dinner is made, dinner is started, I completely forgot everything from the above conversation.

Mrs. What are we having for dinner.

Me: What are you making?

Mrs. Are you serious? You could have had the kids ready to go at least, instead you are sitting there in your stupid fat shorts.

Me: They aren't stupid

Mrs. Yes they are.

Me: I said that we could order a pizza, because I didn't want to go out.

Mrs. I thought we were going to get something to eat.

Me: We can eat pizza, you know.

Mrs. Fine, whatever. You eat what ever it is you want to order, I don't want pizza. I wanted chicken, or something like that.

Me: We can order from KFC then.

Benjy: Yea, I would love some chicken.

LHS: No chicken

Magpie: I want chicken

Me: See.

Mrs. See what?

Me: Order chicken from KFC, and since you are already dressed and still have your jacket on, you can pick it up. (smiling)

Mrs. No. I don't want KFC.

Me: Then it's pizza.

Mrs. Goodbye. (Leaves in a huff and closes the door a little harder than necessary)

SAPLG: Dad, where's mom going?

Me: I don't know. I think she was going to go out to eat, and then go to Target.

Magpie: I want to go to Target!

Cuddlebug (CB): Me too!

LHS: Me too, I want to get a new game for the Wii.

Me: What game?

LHS: Rayman

Me: Is that the one with the crazy bunnies, or something?

LHS: Yes.

The door opens and back walks in the Mrs.

Mrs. What are we doing?

Me: I don't know.

Mrs. Just put on some pants and let's go.

Me: I don't want to.

Magpie: Daddy put on some pants, please.

Me: No I'm quite comfortable, thank you

Magpie: But Daddy, I want to go out to eat. (This goes back and forth for a little while, but eventually I relent)

Me: Fine.

The Mrs. had left again while we were all discussing this, the next thing I know is that SAPLG is talking to the Mrs. and trying to convince her to come back and get us. (She never left the driveway, by the way. It is part of the 'game' we play. You know of what I speak. She wants to do something, I don't and state that fact, she huffs a little, I puff a little more, she leaves, I wonder if she is actually leaving while acting like I don't care, yada yada yada)

SAPLG: No Mommy, Daddy has his pants on. Really. Okay. You are? Um, okay, bye.

SAPLG: She's in the driveway waiting.

Me: Okay kids lets go.

LHS: (Playing Mario Olympics) I don't want to go.

CB: I don't want to go

Magpie: Daddy can you tie my shoe.

#6: Noooooo, noooo, nooooo ( We're trying to put his shoes on, at this point. Followed by more Noooo's when we try to get his jacket on.)

Okay, so everyone is loaded into the van (yea!), Benjy has the "shotgun" seat, because he called it. So I get settled in the third row of the van seats. Not bad, could use more leg room, but then again, how often am I sitting there? Not much, I tell you.

LHS: Mom, #6 - Monster, (he just got a new nickname because Benjy, who also wants a new nickname so I will have to think of something appropriate, didn't like his baby brother being called #6, I asked him what should it be, and he said "Monster." So when "Monster" grows up with that name he will have Benjy to thank. Isn't stream-of-consciousness writing cool?) smells.

Mrs. Did he poop?

LHS: Smells like it.

Me: I just changed his diaper, he's not poopy.

Mrs. Are you sure?

LHS: Smells like it to me.

Me: Fine, but he isn't poopy, I tell you.

Five minutes and a clean diaper later (I know) we're off!

Mrs. Where do you want to go?

Me: You're asking me? I don't care, in fact, I'm not even hungry.

Mrs. Well pick something.

CB: Olive Garden.

SAPLG: Chili's!

Magpie: Yeah, Chili's!!

Me: I don't want Chili's

Me: How about KFC?

Magpie: No! I want Chili's!

CB: Olive Garden

LHS: On the Border, or TGI Fridays

Benjy: KFC!

Clearly, this was a bad idea.

Continued later... Maybe

The End (director's cut)

Hello again, hello.

So today we took the kids, five of six at least, to the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago, Illinois. We left the house around 7:45 and got there at 9:15. Yep, an hour and a half to drive, roughly 45 miles. Gotta love the big city and all them perty little cars, don't cha?

So we get there, and run into someone that is bragging about getting the kids up and ready by six. Yes, I said six. Give me a break, who cares, and why do you want to go through all of that crap anyway, because you know that they will be rather whiny at some point. Oh no, not my kids. Okay, good for you, now excuse me while I ignore your braggard butt.

Maybe I was really that crabby, or maybe I made most of that up in my little mind, you will just have to leave it at that. :-)

First exhibit, The Evolving Planet a cool little history lesson about the natural evolution of the planet and how there are six mass extinction periods throughout the planets history, number six being right now. Trying to scare us a bit, don't you think? Anyway, guess what we found out? There was global warming way back in them thar prehistoric times --- who knew that there were so many SUVs back then!? So, if you want to see some pretty cool stuff, and get preached about how we humans are ruining, just ruining, this beautiful blue planet of ours, go see this exhibit.

Next up, potty break! Katie had to go, then so did Maggie and Jessie, and Jenni. Danny wanted to follow them, and did, only to get rejected and sent back out with us boys. :-)

Next we saw something on Life in the Pacific--eh! It was okay, I guess. Although the fun was watching Jenni change Danny's poopy diaper in record time, before a group of school kids came through. Amazing stuff, let me tell you. I guess he really did have to go, maybe we should start thinking Toilet training.... naw, too early still.

Next we went to some Indian hut for stargazing (Editor's note: There was a trip to the underground where we all got shrunk down to less than an inch in height and saw the world as the bugs do, before lunch. Apparently the author of this piece either didn't enjoy it, or just forgot about it, we are not sure, but we felt that it was important to add our three cents at this point. We leave you now for the rest of this tale...) I wanted to go and se the map exhibit, and the kids wanted to see Egypt. Truth be told Katie and Maggie wanted to come with me to see the maps -- I told them it would be boring for them --- which cost extra, so Jenni put her foot down on that one. I saw the map exhibit alone. It was really cool though, not the alone part, the maps that they had in there. They had this 'book' of maps, where the book was easily six feet - if not more - tall. Really cool.

After we got back together, the girls took me through the Egypt exhibit, while Jenni and Benjy stayed with Danny - who was sleeping. I enjoyed that exhibit very much, but we did do a pretty abbreviated tour. We did see a winter hat inside a sarcophugus(sp?), which seemed to be out of place, if you ask me.

After that Danny woke up and we decided to hit the road for the trip back. Danny was not having fun and was crying... a lot! Benjy was getting frustrated with Danny's crying, I was getting frustrated with the traffic. The girls were fighting. Jenni was gasping everytime a car came near. Oh and Andy's girlfriend Rachael, called and tried to talk Jenni out of keeping Andy grounded for the night - not going to work sister!

Two hours later...

We're home! Yikes, what an ugly ride that was. Stop and go, and stop and go, and stop, and go....
I, of course, did my best to give everyone whiplash. :-0 Oy!

After we get back Andy comes home from work, tries one or two ore times to get a chance to go out --- no such luck! I'll have to share that story, if I haven't already, sometime. Anyway, Jenni and I then did go out do some Christmas shopping - bought tons and TONS of stuff! Then we went to Sweet Tomatoes (I had never been there before) and had some soup and salad, actually it was salad then soup, and we relaxed a bit before we came home to find Danny awake and the rest of the kids asleep.

Nice.

That's a wrap for the extended version. If I have more, and I always do, I will add it later - which I don't always do.

Good night - it's gonna be a cold one!