Which is Tyler Durden?

A Whole Bunch of Silly Going On

As you may or may not know, I have been writing seven hundred and fifty words (at a minimum) per day for the past few months and I occasionally post what I write there, here. This is the case here. Now mind you, this is totally silly and off the cuff and it was basically fifteen minutes of straight typing and "story telling" going on here. There will be grammatical and spelling issues so if anyone doesn't like that sort of thing, you have been warned. Hope you enjoy it.


Na na na na hey hey hey good bye!

I have no idea what that was about but it popped into my head and I shared it with you, who is me, who is we and we all can come together, right now.

Blah de blah de blah hot chocolate and apple sauce along with a banana and there will be fighting in the trenches no doubt and we are all going to die, someday. So why not go out with a bang, right?

So do we take our hot little sports car and drive it as fast as we can towards that wall at the end of the block, just remember that we have several gallons of fuel siting there next to you and you can be smoking or something just to make it all flame out big time because well, you really want to make a show. So why not call the police and the news and have them witness it and save it for all posterity and such. Think about how infamous you will become as your images will continue to play through at least three news cycles and if you leave a letter behind you can make it so that when they finally find it they will all marvel at the maturity of your response to the current situation that you are in and then you will flip the page and there will be a picture of your sister in ;law naked on face book because she has not a ounce of maturity or intelligence in her body.

Chocolate!

Or we can have aliens flying by in their space cruiser decide that they want to show us puny earthlings a thing or two so they come by really really close to the planet, close enough that the actually knock the moon off of it's orbit and sends it flying through the galaxy towards lord knows where and it doesn't really matter since they are also responsible for knocking the earth off of its orbital path and send it hurling towards the sun, or would that be hurdling towards the sun, or gurtingly towards the sun... okay that is just being silly, but who cares since the planet is on a crash course with the sun and you have done the math and you realize that we are only ninety some odd million miles away from that gaseous orb in  the sky that has nothing but bad intentions on its mind. After all it thinks that we are attacking it, even though Venus and mercury saw the whole thing and mars thinks it did, but the same space cruiser actually knocked them a little silly and... remember that moon of ours? well as you can imagine the shock of mars as it looks up into the sky and sees a new satellite in its sky and realizes that they are about to either have high tides or a really really big whole in the planet. So what do you think is going to happen? Why Bruce Willis will board a space shuttle and sacrifice himself for the planet by taking a HUGE tow rope out there and wrapping it around the equator so that he can tow the planet back into its normal orbit because that is what Bruce Willis does. Only there is a small problem, NASA decided to retire the shuttles and put them in the Smithsonian and a couple other places so we have to rely on some Russian or French ship that just doesn't have the horsepower needed to tow a planet. Now I know what you are saying... "Roger, there is no friction in space and no one can hear you scream, so why not take the soyuz thing and push the planet?" .... That is pretty much the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and I am not even going to think about it anymore. But you did give me an idea... everyone sends their missiles up up and away into the sky, towards the sun and that will push the planet back, right? Okay, that's pretty lame too, so where are we?

Bruce Willis takes the newest Virgin spaceship up into the sky, with Richard Branson, mostly because well, he looks good on the camera, has a pretty awesome accent  and well he doesn't like to share much. So they get a big rope wrapped around the equator and then attach it to the space ship that Virgin has donmated to the cause and Bruce and Richard step on the gas and the planet starts to move... towards the sun. Which is actually the way you want to go because they willactually be pulling the planet back into its orbital path quicker that way and they warned everyone to wear their highest SPF sunscreen, just in case. Except that Al Gore says that because of their actions the planet is warming up and the glaciers are melting which means the oceans are rising, blah, blah, blah and DUH! So he has the brilliant idea to take one of his many yachts out to the equator and cuts the rope!

Yes he did.

He is stupid that way.

So what happens? Well Bruce and Richard are pulling on the planet and when the tension is released in the rope they get shot into the sun - bye by e Mr Willis and Mr Branson (Maybe). The earth meanwhile is violently pulled towards the sun where it will then be consumed in a great ball of flame and all life on the planet ends.

Meanwhile....

Bruce and Richard actually shot through and past the sun and actually knock the moon off of its course towards mars and they land safely on that planet where they are welcomed as heroes and new rulers to the realm of mars... Oh, did I mention that Richard brought along a couple of young ladies, figuring that he and Bruce would be celebrating the earth being saved and all, and join the multi-million mile high club, but now they are rulers of mars and are each given half the planet to rule as they please.

Moral of the story? It's good to be Bruce Willis.

I'm Human - Liberty Broadcasting Squad

Jumbled, just the way I like it

Because I can and will I think I should do this writing thing now as opposed to later since I will have children to deal with, a wife to love and a work out that is more than way overdue to do. Try saying that last part fast five or six times; overdue to do...

So where were we? I wrote a quick story for Jessie last night, well not really for her per se but  suggested by her and I honestly think it turned out pretty good considering it took me about fifteen minutes to write and there will be lots of words to cut down and even some more to expound upon, or would that be expand from? Not sure the definitions of words in my head are matching up with the definition coming from various and sundry dictionary's. I love that I just used sundry there, as I have always had a strong feeling towards that particular word.

Not really.

However, if I ever were to fall in love with a word, sundry is no worse than say pickle, which just sounds nasty, and then there is the fascination that some people, mostly women, have with the word moist. Why is that I wonder? Maybe I should post that as a status on Plurk or Facebook or Google plus and take a survey as to why that is. Worse thing that will come from that will be... nothing really. Other than people ignoring me, for which I am fond of and thankful for. You see, if I were to become famous I would probably be miserable. Now if I were to be rich, well that I could probably handle.

Lost the rest of another tooth today - about eight minutes ago in fact, or was it more like twelve. Does not really matter in the end, but I think it is coming to a head here with my ignoring the tooth issue and I think that I will be in dire need, or at least some need of some new chompers be they dentures or implants, or maybe I'll just become gummy. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Now that was a phrase that pays oh so long long ago, what maybe ten years? Not nearly as good or as enduring as, if it is to be it is up to me. I so very much love that, along with the phrase all that jazz because of my affinity towards jazz music I guess, although if the truth were to be told I listen to pretty much anything with jazz being a ways down on the list, behind classical music in fact, so since we need to be telling the truth here, I figured that I would get that off of my chest. It is a beautiful thing, music, that makes the world go round and round. Just take a moment and stop what you are doing and listen to the music all around you.

Seriously. The next time you step outside, I want you to just stand there, or sit if you would like, and listen to the music that is playing all around you. You have the slight rustling of leaves, or branches in the areas where we have no leaves left on our trees, and tell me that you don't hear any music. Go ahead, try it, you will be amazed at what amount of noise is being made while being silent. Then you may even find yourself moving to the melody that the leaves, or branches, are playing. It's all good I tell you, and you will not be disappointed. Of course then you will have the obtuse sounds of motor vehicles sputtering along trying to overtake the sweet sounds of the rustling branches and leaves. Occasionally you will hear a sparrow chime in their part or better yet a robin. Ah, music is everywhere. It's even in my head as I am typing this, it kind of sounds like "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley, which brings back memories of a simpler time in my life when I was trying oh so hard to play grown up only to have it fail and I fell flat on my face, yet I still love the song and the image of the kid playing the drums in front of a video screen - such a powerful video and if you get a chance you should go and watch it, and I promise you this, if I post this on the blog, I will have it linked or embedded here, as long as it is legal and all.

By the way, in case you didn't catch that, I have my head phones on and that is the song that is currently playing...

See, I knew you could catch on to these things, just like how it has turned to "Sunset Grill" another excellent song, but one that doesn't hold me as much as "Boys of Summer" which kind of shows a point that I really didn't know I was going about trying to prove, which is music is great and all around you and everyone should stop and turn the volume controls up every now and again, either by being quiet, or plugging in your head phones. Sorry that came out all jumbled and confusing, just like myself every now and again, especially after a few shots of vodka - which I have not had, mind you, so I cannot use that as an excuse.

So where was I going with this today?

Oh yeah, Go Broncos!!

Pax!

The Moment

Running up and down the court trying to catch my breathe I couldn't believe that we were down by so many points, but we still had five minutes left in the game and I just knew that we could make a game of it. All we needed was some discipline and some good shooting, otherwise we might as well pack in it and go home.

Timeout.

Coach gave us some encouragement and told us that he thought we were playing really well but if we could find it in ourselves to dig a little deeper and try to get some more points and what not... I can not really remember much because I had a strange feeling over take me and I just remember being at total peace with myself and the situation. When the whistle blew, I just knew that we would come back, after all it was only twenty seven points, right?

If it is to be it is up to me was my mantra. I wanted that ball.

We took the throw in and headed down the court, I was pacing along side my point guard imploring her to give me the ball. With our team being down by so much, the other team couldn't play any defense outside the three point circle. My dad and I were just practicing those shots the other day, and I started getting pretty good at them. The secret was in the arc of the ball. You might think that you were giving it too much, yet for some reason it seemed that the higher the arc the better the shot.

My point guard decided to go to the three and see what she could do, and as she picked up her dribble, I instinctively knew that she was going to lose the ball to number fourteen. Number fourteen has been our main nemesis on this team for three years running, she is quite the athlete and I could see the ball being stripped from my team mates hand and she would be off down the court, so I started edging towards the other basket knowing full well that I would be making a defensive play very soon, or at least trying to.

Yet, I knew that I would get the ball back and bring it up court and take one of those three point shots, and I just knew that it would go in and we would be down by only twenty four points. So when number fourteen stole the ball from our number three I was already heading down the court to play defense. It was at that moment that every thing went into a slow motion mode so that I could see every flake of dust coming off of the ball and number fourteen's finger tips. I could see the way the floor actually gave way to the pressure inflicted upon it by the weight of number fourteen as she was running towards her basket. I could see the flattening of the basketball as it hit the court with a force that seemed to be much greater than I realized, with the ball flattening literally a quarter of it's own size. I could see the way number fourteen looked at me and my defensive position and thought that she had a basket for sure. I could see the over confident smirk in her face, and the twinkle of mischief in her eyes - now why I thought it was a look of mischief was beyond me, even in those moments because after all it really was just a basketball game, our first of the season, and nothing magical or dramatic would happen to us if we won, or if we lost, but it was definitely mischief and it sort of scared or startled me because I could tell that I was going to be going up against a competitor unlike any I had faced before.

I shuffled to my left to get a more direct position to make a play against number fourteen and she made a little adjustment herself. It was amazing how she altered her foot just a little to her left which made her move more to my right, yet at the same time my instincts took over and I moved to my right at the same moment. It was then that I saw concern and disbelief on number fourteens eyes and I knew that the ball was soon going to be mine and that this play was going to be the breaking point that got us started on our way towards the victory that we so desperately wanted and needed to rebuild the confidence in our own abilities. We would no longer allow number fourteen or any other player to  push us around and treat us like we didn't know what was going on. She would never again take us so lightly. She might even grow up and become my best friend, and we will be in each others weddings and be the god mothers to each others children. This moment was going to change the world.

This was my moment.

Number fourteen started to leave the ground in preparation for taking the shot...


*** Jessie asked me to write a story about basketball for my 750 words tonight - 16 minutes and 870 words later, this was what came out. - Thanks Jessie! ***

Jazz and Shizz

I thought about getting a beer to go with today's installment then I thought better of it because I really don't feel like having a beer just to have a beer you know, especially some domestic beer like Miller Lite or something... Now if mayber, per chance, there was a Southwicks... then maybe... Nah, I still wouldn't want one, and if I did I am pretty sure that I wouldn't want to be writing here at this point in time any more than I do at the moment. So you know what that means right?

If it is to be it is up to me and all that jazz!

I love how I just took two different phrases and melded them together into some sort of weird mantra that gets me slightly motivated about doing this writing thing which I would think would not be needing any motivation especially since I have written over one hundred and fifteen thousand words over the past three and one half months.not that it means that much unless you want a book of gibberish, half truths some wicked expose and a lot of, but not as many as you probably think, I I I I I I  I I I I I I  I I I I I I I  I I I I I I  II  I I I I I I  I I I I I I  I I I I I I I I I  I I I I I I I I  I I I I I I I I I I I  I I I I I I II I  I I II  II I I  II  II I I I I I I I I I II I II I I I II I II I I I  II 'S

So whacked out I am that I feel justified in writing several I's and feel like I have written several other words that I can string together to make wonderful sentences, mesmerizing paragraphs and sensuous chapters that make up such a loving book that generations will cherish and share with their children and grandchildren and which someday a rare first edition of it will be auctioned off at Christie's and fetch over seventy seven million dollars, of which I will see none of, but whomever does sell it for that, I hope you do good things with it.

Hey have I told you that I am some sort of freak genius that knows stuff that others just cannot comprehend - either that I know it or that I know it, you know what I mean? Maybe I should put some sort of emphasis on there and then add at the end of the paragraph a parenthetical stating that the emphasis was added. Because that is what the cool people do and I just know that I am one of the cool people at least in my mind although there has been some recent stirrings going on in there that make me somewhat nervous due to the fact that there are way more of them than there is of them?

Anyway.

Yesterday I said that Michelle Bachmann would drop out of the race for the good old party's presidential nomination, and guess what? She did. I also said that Rick Perry would probably think long and hard about his choices and then decide to quit the race as well... okay I didn't actually say all that, the Rick Perry part I am so owning the Michelle Bachmann part because , well, you know I actually published that shizz on my blog and who knows maybe this will go there as well, only I need to start insulting more people and causing a stirring in the controversial pot, so to speak, because you know life around the blog is rather boring and dull and out of specifications when it comes to the almighty SEO and shizz.

No, I have no idea what SEO and shizz actually stand for or mean, but I do like dropping them in here every now and again because like the good Doctor would say "they are like bow ties, so they are cool." I'm am pretty sure that he would say that and I firmly believe that the only reason he didn't like the apple that Amelia Pond gave him was because it was neither a Gala nor a Fuji apple which are BY FAR, the absolute best apples ever made/created/ hatched/grown/harvested - whatever. Funny how just by adding that slash in between those five words, it made it look like and only count as one. What "it" is - it is definitely not some freaky freaking clown that lives in the storm sewer, but rather the program that I originally typed all this shizz (see I cannot stay away from it) on for 750words.com and that is where I am at write now, so to speak in a purely metaphysical manner - at least I think it is an a metaphysical manner otherwise I totally use that word wrong and it takes my whole genius claim and throws it out the door.

Got it?

Pax!

A Rant, of sorts

This is getting to be a bit nuts, I mean here I go and plan everything down to the minute, more or less, okay maybe it is closer to the hour, but still. Here I am with fifty nine minutes left to write my seven hundred and fifty words and I have nothing to say or write about... The Iiowa caucua weas today and wow, did I ever butcher those three words... Iowa caucus was today  - much better, and you know what we found out? That they cannot decide between the ultra social conservative Catholic Rick Santorum, who by the way supported a pro choice candidate over a pro life one which is a big no no in my book, so he will not be getting my vote in the primary (if he is even still around) and the somewhat wishy washy conservative wanna be who is more of a moderate than anything else and who has also flipped on the whole pro life dealy and brought Romney Care to Massachusetts which is just as bad, if not worse than Obama care, Mitt Romney.

*** just because spell check says that I have misspelled some words does not mean that they are misspelled okay? Just saying that some of the words I use are words that others just haven't thought of yet***

Where was I? Oh yeah, Iowa. So what have we learned? Let's see; Rick Perry spent a boatload of money to finish in fifth place out of six candidates that were running in Iowa. Technically there were seven on the ballot but John Huntsman decided to not even try and win the state and is sitting back enjoying some martini's in New Hampshire. Michelle Bachmann will probably start concentrating on her reelection campaign for her seat in the House from Minnesota (she came in sixth by the way). Newt Gingrich didn't do too bad considering that he never really started putting people in the state to help him until about a month ago when he became the candidate du jour. Ron Paul, that crazy Republican, er Libertarian from Texas came in third with about twenty percent of the vote, which is not bad for a crazy old man that claims he isn't a politician even though he has spent nearly thirty years in political office of some shape or form, including the past twenty four years as a congressman from the great state of Texas. I think I have that right, if this is posted and I am wrong and my son Benjy sees it, he will correct me no doubt. He is a huge rEVOLution guy and believes that Ron Paul is the bees knees so to speak. I like his stance on the Fed (a waste of government expenditure), the UN ( a waste in general), but do not agree with him in regards to national defense, in particular our current policy of trying to help keep the peace world wide and bombings those that disagree with us.... wait, I don't really like that either. Maybe that candidate predictor thing that I took was correct and I am a Ron Paul supporter. News to me, but I digress.

Which leads us to our two top dogs in the Iowa caucus, Mr. Santorum - a Catholic that apparently forgot what the Church teaches with regards to the sanctity of life, when it came to supporting a pro choice weasel (Arlen Spector, over a pro life candidate Pat (I think) Toomey - and Mitt Romney the multi millionaire former governor of the fine state of Massachusetts, who said he was pro choice to get elected in the pro choice state and then when it came to the national audience he is now pro life and says that he has always been - oh and he is also a Mormon which I really don't care about, but those crazy evangelicals will I am sure. And you know what? I got so long winded there that I completely forgot where I was going...

Or did I?

That is the point I think. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has been determined here today in the caucus of Iowa. I do believe this though, Mitt Romney will be rolling over every single candidate - including you and your martini's Mr Huntsman - in New Hampshire and will then probably roll to a couple more victories on the way to the ultimate prize on Super Tuesday and he will be the candidate for president of these here United States against the bozo that is there now. And I don't mean to besmirch Bozo the Clown with that comment, because I actually like that clown. Anyway, that's how I see it and that is how it has been written by me. I think I will post a briefer version of this on my blog for the world to get mad at me about. I love that sort of thing, don't you know.

Since this will be posted there, I should point out that this entire piece was written in about twenty minutes without any supporting documentation, so in other words it is an opinion piece and it is mine, so take it or leave it as I am not really caring. Oh, and any misspellings are more than likely intentional, as is the piss poor grammar. What can I say, it is late at night, my back hurts and I think I need to lie down and get some sleep.

Pax!