Monday, May 31, 2010

I Used To Think...

Dredging through my archives (not Blog archives), I came across a couple of decent-ish things that I felt worthy of sharing. They will be popping up every now and again (fair warning), because I have to get that motor running again.


I used to think…

Pardon?

I said I used to think.

Actually you thought it. No speaking involved here, except in your head of course.

What are you talking about? I clearly spoke the words; I used to think.

Okay, okay. You SAID them. Only problem is, I’m the only one listening.

And who, exactly are you?

I’m what you might call your conscience. Or maybe your left brain, your muse, the dude that puts those wicked thoughts into your head.

That’s you? I thought I did it all myself.

Really? How have you been these past couple of weeks? Just churning out stories I bet. Better yet, you are coming up with these really dumb contest ideas. I mean ‘I used to think’ isn’t exactly the best sentence in the world.

Yeah, but…

Yeah but I put in the ellipses so that people could just add on to the first four words. You were going to say that weren’t you?

Yes.

See, I can read your thoughts. I know your deepest fears, your happiest joys. I know that you truly love Pralines and Cream ice cream and cannot stand eggplant.

Everybody knows that.

Sure, only after you told them. You see my friend you are nothing without me. You are just a regular person without much to think about except your lovely wife and kids. By the way, without me, she wouldn’t be your wife you know.

What?

Remember all those letters you used to write to her?

Yes. They were quite good. She even said so herself.

Well, if I weren’t with you they would have been lifeless and she would not have wanted to meet you in person.

Liar.

Look deep down, because you know that it’s true.

So what.

So what? Are you mad man! Without me you would probably be still be floundering at a job you don’t like, getting paid a mere pittance of what you are worth.

Uh, about that.

Don’t tell me? Come on man! I’ve only been gone for a couple of weeks.

Yeah but, before that you were gone for a long time. I’d guess somewhere around fifteen years. Where were you then? Vacationing in the Barbados?

Actually, yes, they are quite nice.

Whatever.

Okay, I am sorry. I thought that you wouldn’t mind me being gone. I have met a rather wide variety of people, as of late. Can you blame me?

Yes.

Okay, so what’s your problem? Damsel in distress, world need saving? Oh, how is that Route sixty-six thing going? You finished it right?

Well, it’s not my turn.

Turn! Since when did we start taking turns? Heck Norbanus alone would crank out three or four chapters in a row. Do you think that he was worried about it being his turn? So where is Jamie?

At the airport, doing police stuff.

Oh my, this is worse than I thought. We need to get him over to Lila’s apartment and… What?

Can we put that on a back burner for a while? I have five contests that I have entered, and they are all coming up to their deadlines pretty soon.

Okay, fine. When is the deadline for this ‘I used to think’ story?

Today.

Oh, I need a vacation. How about the rest?

Well, I have another contest due today, but it looks like its deadline will be extended due to a lack of entries. Then I have two more due in two days, and another three days later. See it isn’t that bad, right?

Maybe you ought to see somebody.

That’s actually the theme, of sorts, for one of the contests I entered.

Oh yeah. Is it an I’m-addicted-to-Fanstory-contests-and-can’t-stop-entering-them’ contest?

Close. Just the addiction part, but I have been blank for a while. Plus the other entries are so good, that I’m afraid.

Always was a big pussycat. Okay, so let’s see I used to think… Is there anyway you can change the terms of the contest?

No. In fact, I kind of mislead people into thinking that the first sentence had to be I used to think… Without telling them that they could fill-in anything afterwards.

Well, I’m sure that they understand I was away. You did tell them right?

I kind of implied it, here and there.

Maybe I should just ‘kind of’ help you then.

No, no, no. Please. I am so sorry; I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. I need you to be with me, to help me through this mess, because…

Because what?

Without you I’d just be, well you know, floundering.

Hopefully the other contest will get extended, because I’m having a hard time dealing with you, let alone a whole other story.

Thank you. Can we get started? The deadline is in five hours.

I used to think…