Best Intentions

269 days

That's right, it has been 269 days in between posts.

Why? (Let's see if we can find out together, shall we?)

Did I give up writing or something? (No)

Did I die? (obviously that isn't the case)

Did I move to a foreign world where I cannot send proper posts from because of the time and space in between made everything I sent irrelevant by the time it reached these pages? (yes! in fact they still haven't gotten here, which is really weird since I'm back)

Has the desire to be a "wildly popular" figure in the world wain? (Yes!)

Will there be more frequent posting in the future? (You tell me in a month or two)

Does this really count as a post since it is mostly questions that only I, the writer, know the answers to? (Duh, that's what a blog is, right?)

Will there be more swearing? (If I keep listening to Papa Roach while typing this, there may be.)

So, why did you leave us hanging like that? (I wanted to be like George R.R. Martin - as you can see I have failed miserably since I could only stay away for a mere 269 days, whereas I could have read all five novels in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, TWICE!)

What can we expect to see in future posts, if there are any? (well, what do you mean if there are any? I'm supposed to be the cynical one here. Ahem, well there will be lots of high adventure and swordplay  fun! Or maybe just the ramblings of a dude that is nearing the half century mark that wants to leave wise words, even some unwise, for future generations to look at and marvel at the talent wasted because gramps was too afraid to strep out of line and make a name for himself. That might be a little bit more than I should share but I'm now of the mind that every thought should be shared.)

SQUIRREL!

Cheap plot point there (still funny, and not really a plot point, since this is either plot-less, or worse, pointless)

So, why are you coming back now? (Because I am currently bored, and have nothing better to do, or maybe because I realized that like exercise, writing is very healthy to me and it should be practiced more frequently)

So we should expect grand things from you from now on?(Maybe not all of them will be grand, hell some might not even be good - ask me if I care, go ahead and ask.)

Do you care? (No, not at all, except maybe a little. I mean I am human and I do have a desire to please someone somewhere and hopefully whatever I do put here will make someone smile, or even get angry enough to want to make a change, yeah, that's the ticket.)
!
Why did you go back and bold the word squirrel just now? (Um, you're not supposed to know that I did that - no peaking, okay?)

Whatever. I am you and you are me and (you are looking at some copyright infringement if you keep going.)

Sorry. (No worries, I don't need lawyers coming here prowling for me to do something stupid like that, I prefer to be all original, wherever I can be.)

So what's next? (Well I am about to hit the publish key and then, honestly I don't know, I will probably share some writing, or go and eat some lunch. Currently leaning towards lunch, I have to admit.)

Well thanks for stopping by, please don't be a stranger. (I will do my best, and thanks for sharing your questions with me. If anyone else out there has a question, feel free to drop me a line, and I will gladly get back to you with an answer)

Have a great day!

Out with the old...

...And in with the new.

Hello 2014, what do you have in store for me and the family this year?

Last year we saw a college graduation (Andy), and a high school graduation (Benjy), we saw some softball (Jessie), and some track and field (Katie), we also saw the  "littles" start to come into their own, be it an interest in baking and cooking (Maggie) or gymnastics (Danny) or just being an awesome super hero (Timmy).

One big change was moving into a much bigger and quieter house. If you don't have our new address and want it, drop me a line and I will give it to you.

For me, I got to go to both Disney parks, and see both oceans that border our beautiful country along with the Gulf of Mexico. I also ventured into some foreign land - Canada.

We got to see our beloved Blackhawks win Lord Stanley's Cup again, after a totally dominating season. It all came down to seventeen seconds though. The Cubs and White Sox were meh. Maybe next year? I think that the cubs will be there in the 2015 World Series, at least if the back to the future movies can be believed. Bring on the hover boards and flying cars! The bulls put up a valiant effort without their Rose, who they lost again for this season back in November. Oh and my beloved Denver Broncos have number one seed again this year, after Peyton Manning led the team with 55TDs, a new NFL record, I might add.he also got the yardage record, but I don't know that number, just that he surpassed Drew Bree's old record by one yard.

As for the local team? They choked it away once again.

So what does 2014 have in store for us? No clue, only that I plan on embracing it fully, unlike how I embraced the clock reaching midnight last night/this morning, sound asleep and snoring away. 

Here is to a great new year!!

So...

I'm still 'A Screed in Time' - but without the expense of being 'A Screed in Time' - if that makes sense.

I was about to renew my license to the name via Go Daddy, and then I was watching Super Bowl commercials. It was then I decided that I would go another way.

Free.

Yes, free. Why should I pay them for this, after all I barely come here anymore (although I am truly trying to rectify that), and why should I help pay for those commercials? Yeah I know, the others weren't much better, but, for some reason that one crossed the line.

No I will not link to it.

Anyway, if you have found me again, you will notice that I am no longer at www.ascreedintime.com but now am at www.mylhibug67.blogspot.com or .ca if you are in Canada, like I am currently.

What? You're in Canada?

Yes, and I have all kinds of time on my hands, so I should be writing more - dontcha think?

Me too.

Now if I can just tell whomever is in charge of the ol' body to get it into gear, we'll be a-okay.

Tootles.

Back to the Grind

Also known as work.

Yay!!

Can't you just feel the enthusiasm? It's palpable, is it not?

I think I know what palpable means, if not, I at least hope I used it correctly in a sentence. That seems to be key, not necessarily understanding the words you write, just that they are used properly.

Did you see that? The Denver Broncos just barely missed the playoffs... At least that was my way of thinking before the bottom fell out. I will also go on record here and now and say that I think firing Josh McDaniels was a mistake. That being said, I don't know if all the fuss about Jim Harbaugh is really worth it.

Alas, I am just a fan and have to live with whatever decision the big boys that write the big checks decide to do. It's not like they care what I think anyway.

The television show Top Gear just cracks me up. I hear that they are bringing an Americanized version to the screen soon. Big mistake, at first glance, because matching the chemistry that the boys have on the original, will be hard to beat.

The shake weight has to be the dumbest thing ever invented, and it seems a bit naughty.

Speaking of naughty, Craig Ferguson is on, so I'll see ya next time.

I Have Eleven Posts to Prepare With

That's right.

Eleven.

In Eleven more posts, well actually ten now, I will have posted something a thousand times. Okay, not the word something, but rather something has been posted to this blog one thousand times.

We have jokes.

We have pictures.

We have love stories.

Um, you do?


Don't I?

Don't think so. You're not a lovey-dovey kind of guy you know.


What? You think I don't love?

Not what I said. You don't make a big deal out of who or what you love, the possible exceptions being Dr. Who, Stargate Universe and the Denver Broncos.


What about my family? Don't you think I love them? Or the Church? Or Disney?

Okay, you do love all those things, but you don't always express them here. You know? I mean lately you have been raving all about Tron: Legacy, the movie and soundtrack.


Well, it is, they are, awesome. So.

Yeah, but so are your wife and kids.


I know that. I also think that everyone that reads this blog knows that as well.

If you say so. But there are no love stories.


Think I should add one, sometime?

Wouldn't hurt.


Okay, I'll have to work on that. Now where was I? Oh yeah. There have been love stories.

There have even been some links to things that I find cool. So what should I do for these next ten? Practice, practice, practice? Or just go on being my lovable, and humble, self? I'm sure that will be the case, as you probably know already, I'm not the best at sticking to a plan. I have all the intent, yet when it comes time for some action. Well, you know.

Notice that there are no plans mentioned here, at all. At least recently, I think. Don't go quoting me on it now either.

Speaking of Tron:Legacy...

You weren't.


Oh yeah. Maybe I should save that for tomorrow. Don't want to use all the good stuff up all at once.

Whatever. Say goodnight Gracie.


Goodnight Gracie.

One, two, three...


Um, who's Gracie?

Brownies Are Great, Just Not With A Corona

Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win. ~ Robert Heinlein

Okay, fair warning, there are no brownies in this post.

There may be a Corona, or two, though.

Talk today on Plurk was a wide range of topics, as it is always, so you should try it out. I'll even be your friend on there if you would like. I may have mentioned a time or two that I prefer the Plurk social networking site, compared to the Twitter site. It lends itself to containing conversations better and you don't need any additional apps for it, like I found I needed with Twitter.

Anyway, I started with a simple statement about dangling modifiers involving elliptical clauses (yes I did, and don't ask any questions, because I have no answers), which quite naturally evolved into a talk about genetics.

Makes sense, no?

The beauty of it is that it doesn't really have to, because it's just conversation, really.

Kind of like my blog here, except that the conversations are all in my head.

(not always!)

Ignore that voice in the parentheticals, please.

(why do they always have to ignore me? Are you ashamed of me?)

No.

(then why? I mean, I thought we were tight, yo!)

Yo? Were the heck did that come from?

(not sure. Did you like it?)

Not really. I mean what does it even mean, do you know?

(no, but all the cool kids say it.)

They do not.

(uh-huh!)

Mute!

(dude, you can't mute me! I will talk to the other side and have them mute you)

Yeah right. They don't liste...

(you were saying?)

...

(HA! Excuse Roger, he's gonna be out for a while. HA HA HA!)

!!!

(sounds mad , doesn't he?)

#! %! *!

(sorry kids, you shouldn't have to witness that kind of thing. maybe we should just call it a night, after all he does have several other projects that he is getting behind on.)

!!!!!!!!

(and he might need some time to cool off. farewell and good night gentle readers of the crazy man - had to add that last part,lest someone thinks I'm copying a really famous author. don't want any bad mojo, and all. you know, yo?)

...

(bye bye now)

.

The New Geography?

Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles. ~ George Jean Nathan

With the Olympics here I love noting how people don't always represent the country of their home, for instance...

Reed, 15, is an ice dancer from Warren, N.J., but she is competing in the Olympics for the Republic of Georgia. In a move that is not unusual for a sport in which compatible partners are hard to find, she and the Georgian ice dancer Otar Japaridze paired up last May. Four months later, they unexpectedly qualified for these Games. By November she had a Georgian passport. Now she is a dual citizen.

The Reed family celebrated. Suddenly, they had three Olympians, not just two, at the dinner table, but none were skating for the United States. Allison’s older siblings, Cathy, 22, and Chris, 20, were headed to Vancouver as ice dancers, too — for Japan. The ice dancing competition began with the compulsory dance Friday.

“I know it sounds a little crazy and confusing but we’re so happy to be at the Olympics together, no matter what country we’re representing,” Cathy Reed said of the three-Olympian family. “To be honest with you, this whole experience has been a little crazy.”

How exactly does that work? The Japanese dancers, are understandable in a way because their mother is from Japan. However, young Allison (and her siblings) are from Warren, NJ and as far as I could see, do not have any ties to Georgia.

Personally it seems to be a little unpatriotic and maybe, um, selfish? Or maybe I am thinking of the word childish instead. You know, it went down like this ...

"Y'all aren't good enough to be on the American ice dancing team"

(extra side... why is ice dancing an Olympic sport anyway?)

"Oh yeah, we'll show you"

"Really? And how do you propose to do that?"

"Well, our mom is from Japan, so we'll skate for them!"

"Godspeed young Reeds, and good luck."

So that's how Allison's older brother and sister became Olympians for Japan. As for Allison, I imagine it went like this...

"I can skate, yea I can, I know I can, like can you watch me?"

"Do you have a partner?"

"Um, no. Like do I need one?"

"Well since there isn't a category for a single ice dancer, yes you do need a partner."

"Can't you like, pair me up with someone?"

"Nope, they are all taken."

"Even like, that cute one over their?"

"Yep."

Later that day, a young 14 year old girl was seen crying at the ice rink, when...

"Hello, are you okay?"

"No."

"Well, what seems to be the problem?"

"They won't let me skate without a partner."

"Well, I can skate, shall we be partners?"

"Sure, where are you from?"

"Georgia"

"Oh, like Atlanta?"

"No, like the Georgian Republic, formerly of the Soviet Union."

"The Sovi.. a what?"

"Never-mind. Anyway, I'm sure we can make you a citizen and we'll go to the Olympics. What do you think?"

"Like that is really cool, by the way my name is Allison."

"I'm Otar."

Yeah, I'm sure that's how it went, right?

The Olympics definitely seem to make some strange bedfellows, and some interesting geography questions.

Sleepy Sleepy Shake

If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something. ~ David Peterson

Guess what woke me up this morning?

It had nothing to do with any bodily functions, especially in the waste production section - I'm good in that area, and I know that you wanted to know that.

Actually, it was an earthquake, although as my friends in California would say, "puh-lease, it didn't even break four on the Richter scale."

To which I would answer, "oh yes it did, those seismologists just didn't want us to have our four."

For the record, it was initially reported as a 4.3, only to be downgraded later to a 3.8.

To which I say, whatever. All I know is that at 4AM, I was awakened by a loud boom and a slight shaking sensation. I actually though that either something blew up (hence the boom), or that someone ran into either my house or a house on my block (that would be the boom and shake).

The lesson to be learned from all of this though is; there are now two things that will wake me up from a deep slumber.

An earthquake or a power outage.

That's right, crying babies, police pounding on my door, father in-law pounding on my door, puking kids, puking animals, falling trees, alarm clocks, farting (not that I would do that , just sayin') all have no affect and do not disturb my sleep.*

Nope, not this guy. It takes an earthquake or a power outage.

You always knew I was weird, right?

* I have slept through them all, every single one.

900!

We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things [but] there are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper. ~ James Carroll

That's right, I watched 300 three times.

No wait, I bowled three perfect games.

I just finished reading my nine hundredth book, okay that seems a little low to be honest. Although I did just finish my second book in less than a week. More on this later.

Maybe I'm remembering my SAT score. Oh wait, that's right, I never took the SAT and I know that the ACT doesn't go that high, unless you have a factor of thirty, or something like that.

Okay, the suspense must end, or y'all might leave before the cake is served.

Yes, I am serving cake, virtually, to everyone that reads this post today. We are celebrating lucky 900!

Wow! 900 posts. Where has the time gone, oh and the words that I have written. Definitely going down in the annals of blogging history for sure. Don't believe me, go ahead and check them all out.

Kind of intimidating, isn't it? I mean there is at least six or seven hundred words written down, total.

Okay, enough with the patting myself on the back, let's get down to some serious business. I have consulted my virtual friends on Plurk and they agree that if I listen to an unabridged version of a book, it can count as actually reading said book, so that means I just "read" a whole novel today.

How cool is that?

What was it? Glad you asked, it was book one of the Dark Tower by Stephen King. Only six more to go, and they are all on my iPod, which means I will more than likely finish the series by the middle of next week. I might have to rethink my goal of 24 books this year, especially since I'll have ten done, by the middle of month number two.

Oh, I'm still reading, so don't worry about that. In fact, I am well into Master and Commander and plan on having that done by the end of next week depending on how much time I get to read it.

Now all I have to do is get my review up, as I am now three behind. Oh and to help with following along, I will mark the audio books with an 'a' or something. I figure that is fair, right? Plus my reviews will not only focus on the story, but also the narration. Trust me, it makes a difference.

So there you have it. Post number 900. Yippie!!

Bet you can't wait to see what I have for 1000.

KC or Bust!

Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. - Bertrand Russell

I have a confession to make.

I have not always been the model of safe driving.

Shocked you are, no doubt. Let me share ...

(cue way back machine music)

Back in the summer of 1984, my buddies Ken and Brian and I thought it would be a good time to drive to Kansas City and spend a week out there with Brian's Uncle. We would drive interstate 70 west from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas or maybe it was Missouri. Either way, we decided that this would be one of those great bonding times for us best friends and didn't even think about the fact that we were three teens (17, 17 and 16) driving across two complete states; without parental supervision.

Yeah, we were cool like that.

The plan was for us to take Brian's baby, his 1969 black fastback Mustang - with a 351 Windsor under the hood. (That is about all I know about that car, and maybe the fact that it's not very comfortable to drive across two states, but I digress). The three of us would each take turns driving, and just having a grand old time.

First problem, Ken didn't know how to drive a manual transmission.

Okay, so Brian and I will drive across two states, no biggie. We were young and we knew that we could handle it.

Second problem, Colorado east of the Rockies is nothing but flat, boring prairie, and the entire state of Kansas is the same way. Driving across boring plains is well, boring, and can easily cause one to "doze off" while driving. So, we planned on switching every two to three hours, or whenever we stopped for gas. Makes sense, sounds logical right?

Fate can be a fickle little friend, or maybe that's fiend.

Now what it was that came over us to do the following is still up for debate, and who knows, maybe someday we will find the answer. Although it has been 26 years since, so I'm not expecting any new revelations to come across my conscious any time soon.

We were cruising along the highway, minding our own business, when some (expletive deleted) decided to play games, by riding our tail, passing us, and then slowing down. You have all experienced that kind of friendly driver, no doubt. I, of course, was driving and whining about the jerk, so Brian finally tells me to just go ahead an gun it. I mean we had a 351 Windsor in a muscle car that was made for these kinds of things, right.

Sure.

Problem was, I had never really driven anything that fast, and it wasn't my car, so I got nervous. However, we did have a deadline to meet and didn't feel like pulling over to switch drivers, so Brian could be responsible for his car, and our lives (like I said, we didn't think as clearly as we do now, back then). So we decided that the best course of action would be for us to switch places.

Yes, I said switch places.

While driving.

At 95MPH.

The plan was simple, Ken would hold the steering wheel, from the back seat, while Brian and I would switch seats. Oh, and we simply had to maintain our speed - didn't want the long forgotten four cylinder car that we smoked to get the satisfaction of catching up to us.

No, we didn't even consider the fact that we could have easily pulled over and switched seats and still been ahead of the other car, that would be just plain silly.

Back to the plan, I would maintain my foot on the gas pedal (to the metal) and crawl under Brian to the passenger seat. First up, switch to having my left foot on the gas pedal, while swinging my right foot/leg over to the passenger seat. I think I might have still had a little hold on the steering wheel at this point, but shortly our lives would be in Ken's capable hands. I will have you know, that the plan was working, perfectly, with the only flaw being when either Brian or I hit Ken's arm (the one steering), which made us all see our lives flash before our eyes, along with the cars on the right, and the shrubs, grass, I think there was a cow...

Obviously, we survived, but that was the absolute dumbest thing that I have ever done, in my entire life and I would not recommend anyone trying it.ever.

Funny thing, after having our lives flash before our eyes, we no longer cared about the dude in the car that we were trying to shake, and pulled over at the next exit to take a well-needed break from all the "action."

Again, the tortoise beat the hare by being slow and steady.



I have no idea why the quote mentioned above brought this story to my mind, but it did. Now you should try the same thing, go and find a quotation to use and see what comes from it. You will probably be amazed at what it inspires.

Or confused.

I should try and find the picture that we took before our trip with the sign that I got the title from. Remind me sometime to share our experience, from the same trip, while in Wichita. An incident, by the way, that we consider to be way more scary than the one mentioned above.

Also, I cannot imagine letting my kids do the same thing today (not the driver switching, the traveling with friends alone), it's a crazier world today, even with the invention of cell phones. Too many crazy people out there.

Oh My Head!

No, there isn't anything wrong with it, it just hurts from various things in the news and on various blogs. So, you know what that means? Time to share!

If you use a USB device, like a thumb drive, beware of dangerous viruses! Of course, if you get one head on over to Virus Stompers and get said virus stomped. Thanks Jeff, for sharing this important information.

Want to see some awesome pictures o Glacier National Park? Go here and feast your eyes. You might want to book your next vacation there after seeing them . Trust me.

I wouldn't want to be in Tiger Woods shoes right now.

One of the funniest commercials , as of late! "Sorry Billy, Happy Pony is on, and I'm not missing Happy Pony." I nee to thanks Janet for bringing this to my attention, via Plurk.

Speaking of Plurk, here is a video that talks about the differences between Plurk and Twitter .

There is all kinds of political stuff out there right now between the whole Af-Pack war and health care. I will not be adding links for those, since I figure tat you already know where I stand and besides, it's boring.

I just noticed something weird... My keyboard likes to drop letters at random, it is very annoying, especially since it makes me look like an idiot in the whole spelling thing, of which I am not. Granted I'm not as good as Jenni, but I' not bad either.

With that, I send you off with a holiday tune . Enjoy.

Distracted

The Broncos are playing right now, so I will be slightly distracted.

It's Monday anyway, so nothing happened right?

Definitely not at work, where it was a really slow day. Very slow. Boringly slow.

Enough about that.

Uhm, where was I? Oh yeah. Slow day. I was distracted by a really dumb commercial for kgb, about the dumbest team mascot.

Let's see if I can save this and talk about...

The fact that I have been easily distracted from my main task at hand this month, which is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

It happens every year. I think that maybe I should just quit trying these silly things and motivate myself in a different way.

I know, maybe I'll just quit my job and make our lives dependent upon my writing. Okay, let's not even joke about that, a completely unwise decision. I should just do my thing and roll with that, all I know is that I am getting tired of talking about it, as I am sure that people are getting tired of hearing me talk about it.

UGH! The Broncos are ticking me off at the moment.

Consider that the bell.

Love that Flu from Mexico!

I mean how else could I experience the best of times and the worst of times not to mention that fun experience known as staying home from work.

Daytime Television , now that's excitement!

Now I know how the DVR and TiVo got their start - sick, as in the flu, people at around trying to entertain their rotting minds with some form of, er, ANYTHING! So these, aforementioned sick, people decided that there had to be a cure for this, and people should be able to watch NCIS and Stargate Universe anytime they want to, dang it!

Since I have television on my mind, have you seen that new show "Community ?" Funny stuff.

Okay, so what do we all think of all these extra links? Bells and whistles if you will? I've been playing around with a new program that helps pull in different links, etc. I think that I'll be playing with it a little more, adds a little pizazz, perhaps.

What Happened?

I wish I knew.

All I know is that after nearly eight full months*, I didn't post yesterday.

Funny thing though, I thought I did.

Seriously, I honestly thought I wrote and posted something yesterday. It was all about our day taking Andy to college. With a lot more detail, in fact, it was one of the better things I had written, full of drama, humor and all the good things that I think I like to do - or something like that.

Problem is, I didn't. Trust me I checked to see if maybe I forgot to hit post and it was left as a draft. No such luck. I even thought about doing a quick fake and posting something post(or would it be pre) dated. Alas, I chose to live with it, because I honestly have to be honest with myself and with all of you faithful readers.

Truth be told, I was kind of just winging it the past couple of days, and this was bound to have an affect on my readership, if it hadn't already (comments have been nil as of late).

So, what do I do from here? Well, I can start another streak, or I can concentrate on giving a better product and maybe post only five times a week, or less. Knowing myself, like I do, I will probably start up another streak, or try to be more like some of you out there that I read, and post three or four times a day - no, not stories, more like a quote, an editorial on a news story, a funny story, a joke... and more pictures.

We'll see.

*268 posts in 240 days

Statistics

Statistics are an amazing thing, just ask any statistician.

There are statistics for weather, cancer risk, death, you name it and there is a statistic for it. The most amazing place where statistics are kept is in sports, in particular, Major League Baseball.

Example: Currently, as I type this, the Cubs and Dodgers are tied in the top of the sixth inning at 2-2. Chicago has a runner on second and there is one out. Baker came up to bat and the Cubs were a projected winner at 52%, one ball and it drops to 51%. The count goes to 1 and 1 and the percentage changes to 50%. Baker grounds out to third, leaving the runner on second and now the Dodgers are favored to win at 54%.

I ask, who the heck keeps track of such minutia? How can they track you chances of winning based on the pitch count, inning, runners on base, etc? Is it a human being doing all of this? Do you think they get out much? I mean my head is spinning just trying to follow my own logic, let alone the minute statistics that appear on the Gamecast. Wow.

By the way, bottom of the sixth and the Dodgers are now up to 60%.

I'm going to sleep now.

Colonial Conquests

Discovery Channel has a show called The Colony on. I had never seen it before tonight, but had heard a few people mention it and say that it was pretty good. Want to know what I thought? Lots of commercials, especially the new Gatorade one.

As for the show, interesting. Basically they put a group of people together, from what I gathered in the show I watched, in a post-apocalyptic world. Then they let the "fun" begin. I'm not sure how "realistic" it is, with all the camera crews, etc. but from what I saw, it looks like only a couple people really know what to do.

Like I said, it was only one show. Will I watch it again? Maybe. Will I schedule it on my DVR? Nope. It didn't really grab me, except maybe that Gatorade drink.

Now that looked interesting.

In This Corner...

We have M - the Good Ol Boy (GOB), from Alabama, or is it South Carolina? It depends on which state is in his favor at the time, I guess. Actually, he grew up in Alabama, but lived in South Carolina for a long period of time, so he is comfortable with either. A little history, GOB is an alcoholic with a bad temper, he got busted for DUI a couple of years ago, and hasn't had a drink since. He actually abandoned his job a couple of years ago, we hired him back because he is a good worker and everyone deserves a second chance. He is also quite conservative, loud, dyslexic, and has a problem with pronouncing some words.

His crime: Upsetting Fnewgy (F-ing New Guy), with a reference of "Your boy Obama" and "Obama lover" (the last of which was actually said to me in a private conversation and not directed to Fnewgy, and it was actually directed towards "Obama lovers.")

Over in the other corner we have R - Fnewgy, also can be referred to as PITA, and Super Arrogant Ass, for this narration, we will call him Fnewgy, because the narrator likes this name, a lot. Fnewgy was hired on by us approximately nine months ago, within two weeks he pretty much alienated everyone. EVERYONE. He sent a note complaining about being call "new guy" by everyone, because well, he was the new guy. It had nothing to do with his skills, or anything other than the fact that he was the new guy. A friend of ours actually gave us the term Fnewgy, and it has stuck. He has sent, a minimum of, three letters to HR regarding some petty little thing like being called "new guy" or being asked to help the team out in areas other than his primary area, but he refused because he wasn't trained. It was to help out in shipping and receiving, not the assembly of rockets. He also refused to do some repairs on certain test equipment because he "doesn't get paid enough" to do that, which is funny because when he was complaining about being called the "new guy" he claimed that he could run circles around everyone in the lab with his knowledge base. Finally he felt that he was being harassed by GOB with all of the Obama references.

Enough background? Not yet. GOB is former Army and Navy (yep, he was crazy enough to join two branches of the military), Fnewgy was, uh, Coast Guard. Both men are in their fifties, with Fnewgy being older than GOB. Fnewgy also has a temper and has on many different occasions been known to get a little loud when trying to make a point, and he feels that former president GW Bush ruined his life and made him lose over a quarter a million dollars. I'm thinking hyperbole on that last point.

On to the Main Event...

It all started with this email sent on Monday:

Subject: Political personal attacks

GOB

I am sick and tired of your attacks on me Political personal attacks will no longer be tolerated. I heard your remark to Roger (yep that's me) about the "Obama Lover". Not to mention Friday's "Your Boy Obama" comment.

If you make even one more such attack I will make such a stink with HR that you may NOT survive. I am sure (My Company) does not want a law suite over your attacks. I am just the person to do it!

KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

If Roger(me again) and J(my boss) cannot get you to stop I'll get HR to do it.

Notice I did not send this to HR. This time!

Fnewgy

As you can see, Fnewgy was mad. Hence the red ink. No his email wasn't in red ink, sheesh. Just trying to lighten the tension around here.

So J decided that a meeting today would be necessary to calm the situation down. It was scheduled to start at eleven, but after he and I discussed it for a little bit, he figured why not start it now, at 9:15.

No Problem.

"GOB, Fnewgy, into J's office now. We're moving up our meeting."

At this point I am stalling, well actually talking to several other members of my team about a variety of things; one wanted to know if I needed anything from the gas station (no), another needed some paperwork corrected (done), a third wanted to discuss the weather (put that one on hold), and finally someone wanted to talk about some test equipment that could not be found (gonna have to wait on that as well). This whole time Fnewgy is waiting, and steaming. I have no idea why, I mean he did write the email. I told him that I would be right there, as nature had to make a call. Lots of green tea does that to a bladder.

I find Fnewgy waiting outside of J's office. Apparently he didn't want me to miss a thing. I should thank him someday.

A paraphrase:

We opened the door and Fnewgy starts yelling right away:

"I am pissed off right now about all these personal political attacks that are being blah, blah, blah" (I had to blah, blah, blah it because I almost busted out laughing, I mean it was surreal watching this man that is old enough to be my father, yelling at another man that could be my uncle.)

J says "Whoa, no need to get all excited. Let's be calm and rational her." I have to give him credit for a) not cracking up and b) actually calming Fnewgy down. J then laid out the ground rules (quiet discussion, no yelling, etc) and then gave the floor to Fnewgy.

"I am sick and blah, blah, blah, Political personal attacks, blah, blah, blah, my team of litigators (wow, he has a team of litigators? threatening, no?) will bring a lawsuit against you GOB for $1 million (oh yes he did), and J and My Company, and will settle for $250,000 and GOB being out of a job."

Sorry again for the paraphrasing, but I did hit the high points.

GOB started by saying "I want to apologize if I offended you in any way..."

"Your apology isn't worth spit." (oh yes he did)

Remember, way up there, how I mention a certain GOB and his temper? Yeah, I was shocked that I wasn't witnessing an ass-kicking, as well.

Notice that GOB allowed Fnewgy the chance to get everything off of his chest, whereas Fnewgy immediately shot down GOB's apology? Yep, I'm probably thinking the same thing as you all reading this, why oh why, is he still with us? Must be his team of litigators - WTF? Maybe that's what he lost all his money on, eh?

In the end, they both agreed to disagree, with Fnewgy stating that he doesn't hold any grudges (but has a team of litigators), whereas the GOB was honest and said that he did. (Another smirk on my part - I couldn't help myself).

J and I had so much fun, that we treated the lab to lunch.

I'll fill in any blanks that I think will make me, and you, laugh if I think of more. As for now, James Bond is on, so...

On My Mind

The story was there, in all of it's glory, yet I couldn't quite grasp it. Only bits of character flaws were reaching my conscious mind; six feet four inches tall, red hair, red beard, a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, a double-barrelled shotgun and a lazy diner in Iowa. Also there is the figure of $11 million and the fact that the guy wore a faded American flag bandanna.

Wow.

Now if I can just put it all together. Was the man bitter about something? Did he want to hurt somebody, anybody, every body?

These are some of the things that have been bothering me for a very long time. I have no idea why, just that it is there and won't go away, almost like I am responsible for its release. The problem is, I am missing a few details and whenever I think of something, it just doesn't feel right.

Lately, I've been envisioning caves, more specifically a cave. An awesome cave. One that is large enough for more than one person to live in and is pretty much self-sufficient, and it needs to be, because we are in a post-apocalyptic age, but how did it get there? Is red beard the owner, or just an occupant?

Ooh, another image popped into my head, a long overcoat, a duster I believe, leather and black.

Then it's gone.

Stupid Burger King commercial comes on the television at a volume that is way, way louder than the previous program was/is. Very annoying. Almost as annoying as changing the name of the channel from Sci-Fi to SyFy. Makes no sense.

Kind of like this post, no doubt, but it had to be said, it had to be released, it's my little notebook if you will.

***

Gonna be a fun day at work tomorrow, Fnewgy will have to actually talk to the Good Ol Boy, and I get a front row. Yay. Not.

Thanks for allowing my vent, more later. :-)

Things People Do

I had to go in to work today (Boo!), but I got paid time and a half for it (Yay!), even though I should get double time (Boo!), but I have college bills ahead of me, and could use the cash (Yay!).

I'll stop that now (Yay!!)

So on the way to work, there was a man edging his lawn. This man was safety conscious, as he was wearing what appeared to be steel-toed boots, heavy denim, and safety glasses. The gentleman was also very conscious of his body, and showing off his glistening pectoral muscles (not that I checked that closely for any glisten, y'all, it's just a metaphor of sorts, right?), I mean why wear a shirt while doing something that can poke your eye out, gouge your feet and rip up your legs. It's all about impressing the ladies, and apparently the geek on his way to work, on a Sunday.

***

Plurk is back in my good graces, and is a lot easier to manage than Twitter, in my opinion. Plus, we got a kick butt fantasy league going on there - well once someone gets around to organizing it.

***

Danny is riding the four-wheeled wonder, that is his sister's old Dora the Explorer bike, with limited assistance from Dad. On the one hand, that is totally awesome. On the other, it is kind of sad because the next thing you know, those training wheels are off, and then college!

***

I saw the funniest thing while leaving Target this afternoon - an afternoon that was very beautiful, if I say so myself but I can guarantee there would be some agreement on my thoughts. I mean it wasn't too hot, and there was a pleasant breeze, and plenty of blue skies, in other words, perfect.

Perfect for riding around in a convertible, as I saw many of my fellow citizens doing. One of these couples that were riding around in theirs pulled up in the spot next to me at the Target parking lot, and the couple looked like they were enjoying their ride. They then proceeded to roll up the windows on the car, which I found odd because why close that bad boy up and get it all hot, right? They then did something that I still am scratching my head about. You got it, they left the top down.

Did you get that? They rolled up the windows, on the convertible, but left the top down. What exactly is that going to do anyway? Keep any bad guys from opening the doors and taking something, because they didn't notice the HUGE opening on top?

***

Another Sunday WITHOUT pictures. Blogger really, really hates my home computer, I think. Or maybe my computer hates Blogger.

***

MOTIVATE

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons.

They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.

All they do is show you’ve been to college.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

***

FUNNY BONE

Are you really that bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?

***

Must call it a night, tomorrow I start my early mornings... Actually, it's when I TRY to start my early mornings, so my blog schedule may or may not be flipped depending on whether I blog in the AM, or still keep it real in the evenings. Of course, I might start slipping a few in during the day as well. So stay tuned.

I think tomorrow I might be playing catch up on my reader, though. Y'all been busy.

:-)

So I Still Have My Fingers

It's Saturday.

It's Saturday with no work, well no paid work, to do.

Momma knows this, and has a list.

It is a very small list.

Seriously. I know!

The list included two major projects, okay not really that major, although one could be considered as such. So maybe I should call it one major project and one fixing of a nuisance. Yeah, that will work.

On June 11, my garage door broke. I know that this was the day, because it happened the same day that we got U-Verse and forgot about the outside world. Just kidding, but only about the losing contact part. I remember it happening after the installer was in my garage setting up the TV in there (it's no longer a garage, but a rec room/storage kind of thing) and he went downstairs to set up the TV in the family room. When we heard a loud crash coming from the garage. A quick peek showed nothing out of the ordinary, so I forgot about it.

A couple of days later, the kids were saying that the garage door wouldn't open. I figured that it was something silly, like a bike leaning on the door, or the garage door became disconnected somehow from the opener. I, of course, blamed the kids for pulling the release (why they would do that is beyond me, but at that moment I had nothing else {no, that isn't cool either, and is one of my faults}), only to find the spring swinging freely. Not good. I tried to open the door manually, but that didn't work either. So...

A month and a half later (hey, the weather wasn't exactly that great and the door didn't need to be opened - plus there was a baby coming and all kinds of other excuses...), I have the time, money and desire (strong push from Mom and Kids) to get it fixed. I figured that it would be best to replace both springs, since if one of them broke because of stress, or whatever, then the other might not be too far behind. Plus, they only cost $15, so why not? It seemed like a pretty straight forward job. Which it was, once I got my incorrect tools working the way that they are not are supposed to work. Sure there were a few cuts and I could have lost a finger, or two, because the spring didn't feel like cooperating. It's all water under the bridge, since it is now working, perfectly.

Now if I can only remember the weather strip. Three trips, so far, and still no strip - maybe I should send myself a reminder that repeats itself over and over every half hour or so. Naw. I'll remember the next time, I'm sure of it.

Kind of like how it only took three trips to get the correct screws to fix Jenni's rocker/glider. Technically, Andy made the final trip for that one. Never send a forty-one year old man, when an eighteen year old can do it better.

Then came the shopping trip, complete with fighting siblings...

Is it Monday yet?