How to Tell When Banana's Go Bad

So Here I Sit

in a Milwaukee (more exactly Oconomowoc) hotel, it's 12:19AM and I cannot sleep. So, here I am spewing thoughts from my head, once again...

Just kidding.

I think I have a serious insomnia problem, especially when I am travelling alone. It's not a good thing to have, especially when you are supposed to be able to stay awake for a "training session" of sorts. I say "of sorts" because I really don't think that it's going to do any good. I hope that I am wrong, but we all know that I am never wrong.

Again, just kidding.

Now don't get me wrong, this hotel is nice. It's a Hilton Garden Inn and seems to be fairly new, and even has a select comfort bed, which I don't know how to operate so I will have to read the instructions I guess.

Wish I was kidding.

Cool... I think I just dozed off there for a minute, or two. Maybe I should go find those instructions and finally lie my head down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, may Angels watch me through the night and keep me in their blessed sight.

Good Night!

Say What?!

While it is nice to have a ghost writer every now and again...

 

I wish that I could say that is what happened yesterday, but it's not. Those were the little voices in my head demanding to be let out during my fifteen minutes I allotted myself.

 

***Note to self, allow more time to think about what has been written.

 

That being said, I will try to keep the nude imagery to a minimum - at least I didn't have any pictures.

 

So what did Roger do over the past three weeks, you ask?

• Work
• Play
• Sing
• Dance
• Not really on those last two.
• Came up with lots of ideas for the next great American novel that everyone will be swooning over and that will allow me a chance to retire at 55. Of course, if that does happen, I probably won't be retiring, although it does seem to be working out for Mr. Salinger, so you never know.
• Please do not ever compare me to J.D. Salinger, not that anyone has, or will, but just in case you might have been thinking about it.
• Sent my oldest off to college, true I did that before the "break," but in case some of you are new to the party. We have also brought him home for his sister's birthday party, and then sent him back.
• Volunteered to be a leader for the American Heritage Girls.
• Started teaching Sunday School for my thirteenth year, realizing that a lot of my first class are now out of high school and in college.
• Wondered what it would be like to feel old.
• Got over that pretty quickly, because really, what's the point.
• Enjoyed the fact that the Denver Broncos are 2-0. Granted it was against Cincinnati and Cleveland, but hey, it's 2-0. This week, it's the Raiders.
• Painted my kitchen (okay, I didn't actually paint it, Jenni did, but the kitchen is now red).
• Got closer to finishing some unfinished projects.
• Gained eight pounds.

That's all I got since the last time. more later, as I have a full day of work and a trip to Milwaukee in my future.

 

Have a great day!!

Three Weeks Ago

I found out that I was a lost soul wandering through the cliffs of Dover. I had to figure out how this had happened of course, especially since I live nowhere near Dover, although I do hear that the cliffs are nice this time of year. Anyway, there I was wondering about my wandering when a bright light shone from the heavens upon my naked body.

 

Wait a minute, where did my clothes go, and would you mind turning that light the other way, please.

 

So now I am a wondering wandering naked soul in Dover where the cliffs are looking especially white under the glare of the halogen lamps that are shining down upon me, Me, a simple man with no clothes, or sunscreen for that matter. i could already feel my skin starting to cook.

 

Thankfully, the lights went out, but so did Dover. No cliffs were seen anywhere within several miles of where I was standing, for that matter, I noticed that while the glare of the halogens had dissipated, the glare of the ground around me did not. As I was pondering this latest predicament of mine, I also noticed that I could clearly see the breath coming from my mouth and nostrils, and started shivering to stay warm. Was this Mt Everest? If so, why was I wandering along it's summit, wondering about my ponderous predicament, while naked?

 

What's with the nudity? I mean come on, it's down right cold out here, and...

 

Bright lights once again, and...

 

The outside temperature warmed up, and I could feel sand between my toes (still naked) and the sun upon my body (no longer naked - figures) was starting to make me feel slightly uncomfortable, but the pounding waves made me feel slightly, uh what's the word, freaked out. Okay, it was two words, but if I write it like this freakedout, spell-check does just that. Trust me.

 

Where was I?

 

Oh yeah, so that was the first hour after my last post some twenty-one days ago, although all I had managed to do was write Mwahahahaha, or something like that and post a funny video, which got me to thinking about the music that I was hearing in the air around me. Ominous music at that, which would rise to an incomprehensible crescendo of sound that made me want to hold my ears, but I couldn't drop the bottles because they might break when the hit the cobblestones on... the... ground.

 

Have I ever told you about the fact that I have NEVER taken any illegal, or legal for that matter, hallucinogens, or any other illegal drugs for that matter? Let that settle in for a minute there. Now imagine how a person with all of this spewing out in the past fifteen minutes can be sane? I vote for the Cheez-its. "Wholly" Cheese! Yes they are.

 

Funny thing is that I knew I would only have about twenty minutes to spare between work and a meeting, and thought that a list of what I have done and not done would be sufficient. Nope, my mind said let's do some nudity, and there you go.

 

I'm just a wondering wandering fool in this crazy thing that we call life, and I am having a good time with it, and so should you.

 

Oh and if you see a size XL pair of black boxer briefs lying around, can you check for my name on the label?

 

 

I'm back! :)

 

Thanks for all that were concerned, I just needed a break, I guess. The break then turned into a habit, which was not pretty. So, here I be.

Mwahahahaha!!

Ominous

How To Stalk Your Child!

Tips on Stalking your children of college age. Fair arning, it is from The Onion and has some inappropriate language (written).